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July 31st, 2021 
Awake Goy 
Biden Tells Of The Time He Drove A Corellian Freighter And Made The Kessel Run In Less Than 12 Parsecs
MACUNGIE, PA—In a rally at the Mack Truck facility in Lehigh Valley this week, President Biden boasted that he made the Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs back in the days when he was a hard-working interstellar freight driver.
“Yeah, these Mack Trucks are impressive, real impressive,” said Biden, “but I gotta say, these are nothing compared to the Correllian light freighter I used to drive around smuggling contraband while avoiding Imperial patrols. That’s no joke!”
The audience of union workers who had been forced to attend clapped politely, but seemed confused as to the meaning of Biden’s odd statement.
The all-female White House communications team skillfully clarified Biden’s statement the next day, saying that while Biden technically never piloted the Millenium Falcon, he did watch Star Wars once, and even rode along on the Star Wars Galaxy’s Edge Millenium Falcon Ride at Disney when it first opened.
“The message we should all take away from this is that President Biden respects the hard work of our Hollywood science fiction movie makers, theme park designers, and blue-collar Mack Truck builders,” they said.
Biden later began to tell the story of the time he brought balance to the force before his mic was quickly cut off.
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