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March 12th, 2021 
Awake Goy 
Bitcoin Crashes As Millions Cash Out To Invest In Dr. Seuss Books
U.S.—Millions are selling off their Bitcoin in order to invest in Dr. Seuss books, financial analysts are confirming today, leading to a major crash in the cryptocurrency.
The banned books are becoming a hot commodity, with millions liquidating all their other assets to invest in them. Many cashed out their 401Ks and other retirement accounts in order to buy more Dr. Seuss books, convinced that their future will only be secure when all their cash is tied up in Dr. Seuss.
“Bitcoin is out — Dr. Seuss books are hot! Buy, buy, buy!” one man shouted at his broker over the phone. “Let’s liquidate all our cryptocurrency and go for Dr. Seuss! I want Mulberry Street, I want If I Ran the Zoo, I even want McElligot’s Pool! Buy them all!”
Everyone who’s invested in Bitcoin spent the day frantically trying to get in on the big sell-off, with many struggling to do so as they still don’t 100% understand what exactly Bitcoin is or how it works.
The move has proven to be smart, as the U.S. dollar lost 10% of its value upon the printing of another $2 trillion today. Bitcoin also had a rough day as everyone cashed out for Dr. Seuss books, with Bitcoin dipping to $20,000 — no, wait, $35,000 — no, wait, $72,272 — no, wait, it’s back to $20,000 again — before the end of the business day.
Dogecoin, however, is still predicted to go “to the moon” due to the meme factor.
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