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August 1st, 2021 
Awake Goy 
APPLETON, WI—According to sources, a local churchgoer sat through a sermon at Movement River Spirit Connection Church this morning, taking extensive and detailed notes on the sermon in spite of the fact he will never once refer to them or even look at them for the rest of his life.
“Yeah, I’ll totally refer to these someday,” said Jimbo VanHeisersen as he completed another page with his fine tip pen in his Moleskine journal. “Someday, I’ll take this journal off my shelf and sit down for hours and hours and just read through my old sermon notes. It will be totally great.”
According to several studies, no one in history, going all the way back to the Sermon on the Mount, has ever once referred back to old sermon notes at a later date. In spite of this, VanHeisersen remains totally convinced he will be the only exception.
“I even drew a little picture of Thor’s hammer in the margins during Pastor Rayley’s Avengers sermon illustration,” he said. “Wow– these are really well-written notes. I think they’ll really be a real source of inspiration someday.”
VanHeisersen plans to complete his sermon notes journal and place it lovingly on his bookshelf next to the 32 books he will never read.
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