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August 14th, 2021 
Awake Goy 
MENLO PARK, CA—Facebook has introduced a new prayer request feature. Unfortunately, according to Mark Zuckerberg, many people are posting prayer requests with lots of misinformation in them. So, to fight these misleading prayers, Facebook is now scanning all prayer requests for misinformation before they will pass them on to God.
“All prayer requests will go through our fact-checking filters so we can make sure there’s no harmful information in them before they make their way to the Almighty,” said Zuckerberg during a press briefing Friday. “For instance, if you tell God your spouse is being unreasonable, but you, in fact, are the one who’s being unreasonable, we’ll still pass on the prayer request, but God will get a little pop-up saying that this information has been disputed by leading fact-checkers.”
The fact-check process will also check for heresy. Many Protestants tend to commit multiple heresies in short prayers. For example, people will begin praying to the Father and then thank Him for dying for us. These kinds of errors will be caught by the automated algorithm before God gets your message.
Prayers will also be scanned for too many uses of the word “just” so that God doesn’t get too annoyed by them.
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