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June 5th, 2021 
Awake Goy 
BLYTHE, CA—In a last-ditch effort to lure fleeing residents back to the state of California, Governor Gavin Newsom has decided to disguise his state as Texas.
Witnesses claim to have seen the desperate governor in a cowboy hat, speeding along the border, slapping “TEXAS” stickers on all the road signs.
Sources also say Newsom hired consultants to give advice on how to make California more Texas-like. The consultants were later fired after they recommended things like “fewer regulations”, “lower taxes”, and “less human poop on the sidewalk”.
“Howdy, y’all!” yelled Newsom to cars as they sped off, looking for greener pastures. “Yer goin’ the wrong way! Texas is this way, see? We got lots of guns and ammo here! Barbecue too! And most importantly, we got FR– FR–”
The governor was unable to continue as the word “freedom” got caught in his throat and he started gagging.
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