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May 8th, 2021 
Awake Goy 
U.S.—A surprising new study released Friday found that paying people not to work made people not want to work.
Amid shockingly low job numbers released today, the study suggested that some of that low unemployment was due to the government sending everyone more money than they would have made out working a job. Some smart expert analysts are seeing a connection between incentivizing people to stay home and them staying home.
“It’s really bizarre — telling people to stay home and watch Netflix while we send them money makes people just stay home and watch Netflix while we send them money,” said one government official. “It seems that when you just send people checks they don’t really see a point to going to work.”
“We could not possibly have foreseen this.”
At publishing time, experts had recommended raising the minimum wage to $1,000,000 an hour to incentivize people to go back to work, foreseeing no negative consequences from this course of action.
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