Theologians Confirm: Amount Of Treasure Stored Up In Heaven Directly Proportional To Your Bible App Daily Streak

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Theologians Confirm: Amount Of Treasure Stored Up In Heaven Directly Proportional To Your Bible App Daily Streak

December 2nd, 2021

Awake Goy

Theologians Confirm: Amount Of Treasure Stored Up In Heaven Directly Proportional To Your Bible App Daily Streak

WORLD—Top theologians have confirmed that the amount of treasure you have stored up in heaven will now be directly related to your recorded Bible-reading streak on your Bible app.

“Aw heck yeah! I’m in good shape then!” said local Christian Travis Salden, who currently has a perfect streak of 25 weeks. “I’m gonna have a three-story mansion, baby!”

Sources confirmed that with new digital technology, Heaven will be able to track Bible reading across all Android and iOS devices, and adjust heavenly rewards accordingly. If users give the app permission to access their phone’s data, it will also record what other apps you look at and take those into consideration as well.

Salden is hoping to keep his streak going to amass even more heavenly riches. Unfortunately, the majority of times he opened his app were accidental since the icon is right next to his Instagram icon.

Babylon Bee subscriber Solomon Storts contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!

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