A Concierge Online Hair-Loss Clinic? Yes, My Balding King

While there are many powerful bald people, from Vin Diesel and Jason Statham to The Rock and… well… apparently everybody else who has appeared in a Fast and Furious franchise movie, bald(ing) people also experience adversity and pain that most of society cannot understand. To compensate, some of them (like the aforementioned) become extremely ripped, while others climb to the top of their artistic craft (Pitbull, Billy Corgan, Blue Man Group) or train their minds and bodies to fight challenges at the highest levels (Michael Jordan, Jean-Luc Picard). Some just wield their pain to try to destroy society (Benito Mussolini, Voldemort). According to hair growth magicians Happy Head, the average person loses around 100 hairs every day, meaning that you (literally you) are hurdling faster and faster towards follicle oblivion. And unless you’re cool with that, you might be searching for an alternative.

Of course, anti-baldness products have been on the scene for decades (never forget Rogaine’s totally fire commercials, or those before-and-after shots of guys spraying their head with canned hair powder), but now, people want to be able to solve all their problems (including their hair falling out) directly from their phones instead of having to sweat in a doctor's waiting room like they did in the old days. The options are plentiful, but it's hard to parse whether you’re on the way to a luscious mane, or you’re just falling for 21st-century snake oil. As with Soho House memberships or Peloton bikes, some people may want their experience to feel more… premium? Exclusive? Personalized? A new platform called Happy Head is offering a doctor-led, concierge-style approach to hair restoration (no, seriously), integrating 1-on-1 medical info and expertise, as well as check-ins and personalized formulas from specialists that only focus on hair growth (unlike other, similar brands that’ll greenlight you questionable pills for virtually any affliction).

To prevent future Dr. Phils and George Costanzas, Happy Head is fighting the good fight, offering a medical-science-supported solution to those in need (of hair). Started by Dr. Ben Behnam and Dr. Sean Behnam—who have been published everywhere from Journal of American Academy of Dermatology and Journal of Drugs in Dermatology to Journal of Organic Chemistry (though apparently not Playboy)—the brand uses a combination of topical finasteride and minoxidil to promote hair growth (both are supported by numerous legit scientific studies); according to the Happy Head site, those are the only two hair loss products that have gotten actual approval from the FDA. Finasteride is reported to “treat male pattern baldness by blocking testosterone’s ability to develop into dihydrotestosterone (DHT),” which is one of the main causes of hair loss in adults. In layman’s terms, your body and God are teaming up to prevent you from having hair (and maybe getting laid), and finasteride is the medical equivalent of a Andúril, the one true sword of Aragorn, the King of Gondor (from The Lord of the Rings, DUH). Trust us, it’s a perfect analogy.

Here’s what makes Happy Head different from the gazillion other options out there, from DTC brands to questionable shampoos: If you decide to bite the bullet and sign up, you’ll get a free consultation with a real dermatologist (or at least a very convincing deepfake), and a doctor will put together a custom bottle based on your body and needs. On that note, Happy Head even offers a specialized formula for women. According to the website, people say it actually works—[Keanu voice] whoa—with results reported within three to six months, meaning that if you just met your soulmate on Tinder, tell them you want to “get to know each other for a while” (read: delay your meetup for a few months), since it could be worth the wait.

If you’re still skeptical, or just have too much pride to address your hair loss, peruse Happy Head’s website’s “after” pictures—some of these dudes look like sexy Ricky Gervais, or regular Nick Jonas and Gordon Ramsay. These men aren’t nerds, but very cool and handsome guys with great jobs, hot partners, and flourishing bank accounts. In fact, even if you don’t have hair loss, maybe just try Happy Head to grow even more hair than you already have, so you’ll look more like Jason Momoa (who is also in the next Fast and Furious movie).

So, is this whole thing wildly expensive? Keeping your hair, to some men, feels priceless, so at $79 a month, trying Happy Head won’t break the bank; in fact, with the code GOHAIR, you get 50% off your first order. Unless you’re trying to race Vin Diesel in a movie next summer, you have nothing to lose, and everything (or, you know, at least a full head of hair) to gain.

Sign up for Happy Head here.


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