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August 15th, 2021 
Awake Goy 
Dad Who’s Been Saying ‘It’s Time To Leave For Church!’ All Morning Still Last One Out Of The House
LAFAYETTE, IN—According to sources, local dad Clive Barstewl was the last person to leave the house and get in the car to take his family to church for the 137th Sunday in a row, in spite of his loud yelling all morning that his family needed to get ready faster.
“It’s time to leave for church!!” he said, followed by “COME ON, LET’S GOOOO!!!!” as he casually meandered through the house sipping his coffee.
“I know just the words to really motivate my family and get them going in the morning,” he said to reporters before yelling “LET’S GET DRESSED! FASTER!” down the hallway.
With his family properly motivated, they were all ready and in the car before Barstewl realized he hadn’t gotten dressed yet, or even showered.
He left the house a full 15 minutes after his family, which, according to him, is a new personal best.
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