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July 1st, 2021 
Awake Goy 
NEW YORK CITY, NY—With ratings for Brian Stelter’s hit CNN show Reliable Sources continuing to nosedive in the Biden era, the award-winning and much-beloved TV host has had to consider new and innovative ways of reeling viewers back in.
Starting this week, Stelter will don a giant orange wig during his broadcasts.
“Fox News– just terrible. Horrible. Fake news, I say. Maybe the worst fake news ever, next to OAN and Newsmax. You ever see them? Worst news channels in America, maybe ever,” said Stelter in tonight’s broadcast, with wild hand motions that seemed familiar somehow.
“And don’t get me started on Tucker Carlson,” Stelter continued. “I call him ‘lyin’ Tucker.’ What do you think of that nickname? Do you like it?”
Stelter has also announced he plans to generate buzz for the show by tweeting erratically at 3 AM in the morning and conducting Stelter rallies in Times Square.
Early results indicate his show has already seen a slight bump due to thousands of people tuning in to see his antics and reminisce about Trump.
Unfortunately, Tucker’s show still beat Stelter soundly after adding 138,000 brand new viewers overnight.
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