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August 27th, 2021 
Awake Goy 
We’re real journalists at The Bee, which means we have anonymous sources at the White House. Our anonymous source — let’s just call him Bob — managed to acquire Biden’s 9-point plan for saving face and righting the ship in Afghanistan. Here it is! Thanks, Bob!
1. Sign an executive order on climate change. – Biden will reportedly announce this at his press conference this evening. Only through fighting climate change can we stop terrorism.
2. Take a nap and hope some ideas come to him. – Sometimes all you need for inspiration to strike is a little bit of shut-eye.
3. Knock on wood even harder. – Biden says the problem with his previous plan to knock on wood is that he didn’t knock hard enough. Second time is the charm!
4. Team up with Ben & Jerry’s for a new ice cream flavor “Afghanistan Abandon-Mint.” – Hehe, great pun.
5. Declare Afghanistan a gun-free zone. – Works 60% of the time, every time.
6. Take a longer nap. – Sometimes you need a little longer of a nap to get ideas.
7. Threaten to airdrop Hunter Biden’s paintings into Kabul. – This will bring the Taliban to their knees in no time.
8. Send Kamala to cackle. – Kamala used cackle! It’s super effective!
9. Don’t take questions from reporters, remain in hiding while Americans are killed, and just hope this all blows over – Wait, that’s not satire!
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