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March 30th, 2021 
Awake Goy 
U.S.—The Biden Administration is hard at work putting together a vaccine passport program that will help society more effectively separate the good vaccinated people from the bad, gross, scary unvaccinated ones. To make things super convenient, vaccinated individuals will be given the opportunity to tattoo the passport’s 2D barcode on their hand or forehead.
“What a great idea!” said Jibby Tillygoober, local vaccinated man. “Now everyone will know I’m completely safe to be around and it’s virtually impossible for me to get them sick! Wow! I’m such a good person!”
Those who refuse the vaccine and passport will be prohibited from buying or selling anything. They will also be barred from select businesses such as restaurants, planes, gas stations, banks, grocery stores, and most Chuck E. Cheese locations. They will also be cast out of the city limits and stoned to death, and their homes and crops burned to the ground for good measure.
In spite of some naysayers, Biden defended the vaccine passport program, saying: “Now to go around… well, anyway, uh– real simple for the kiddos in the, uh, how– ahhh, I shouldn’t say that. So, gotta go now!”
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