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December 24th, 2021 
Awake Goy 
TULSA, OK—Local preacher, Timothy Hodges, had the crowd erupting in violent laughter on Sunday before bombing completely after referencing Mark 9:43. Many churchgoers were instantly reminded that they were, in fact, in church and not in a comedy club.
“My stomach hurts; I was laughing so much,” Suzie Champlain said. “He was talking about how kids are stupid. We can all relate to that. But then out of nowhere, he started preaching from the bible. It was kind of a mood killer.”
Experts speculate that the preacher intended to highlight the innocence of children reaching for something they shouldn’t and how adults can have the same problem, but that it’s not a product of an innocent nature. Something that can seem like an innocent mistake can have grave consequences, such as being sent to a fiery torment for all eternity.
Charles Williams, a newer member of the church, left the service early. “I didn’t get it. Why did he have to kill the mood?! I came here for some laughs!”
Now church leadership is scrambling to keep Charles on the membership roster.
“Next week we’ll have no bible verses, I promise!” said Pastor Joe Thomas. “We want you all loved and laughing. It’s the best way to spread the gospel.”
The preacher later regretted opening his sermon by yelling, “ARE YOU READY TO LAUGH?”
RED ALERT: this is not a joke. Elon Musk sat down with Babylon Bee CEO Seth Dillon, EIC Kyle Mann, and Creative Director Ethan Nicolle for an in-depth interview on wokeness, Elizabeth Warren, the Metaverse, and how the left is killing comedy.
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