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July 2nd, 2021 
Awake Goy 
Man Whose Ancestors Wrestled Woolly Mammoths With Their Bare Hands To Survive Gets Crippling Anxiety When He Has To Make Small Talk With A Hairdresser
SAN DIEGO, CA—Local man Landon Netherton is descended from early man, who, approximately 6,000 years ago, had to wrestle woolly mammoths to get food and furs and tusks just in order to survive on a day to day basis.
Netherton, however, gets crippling anxiety when he has to go to the barber shop and make small talk with a hairdresser for an hour.
“So, uh… weather is, uh, hot today?” the man who is descended from humans who would build their own shelter and tools, go forth into the wilds, and conk stuff on the head to kill it, cook it over fire — which they also had to discover — and eat it. “You, uh, know what haircutting is?”
“Do I — do I know what haircutting is?” the confused hairdresser replied. “Uh, yes?”
“Oh. Uh. Do you like it?” said Netherton, nearly passing out from the anxiety that overtakes him when he has to talk to someone he does not know.
“Yes,” she said.
“That’s awesome.”
Netherton reportedly sat in silence the rest of the time, praying that God would mercifully cause the hairdresser to slice his ear or something so the haircut could end early.
“Pathetic,” said his ancestor, Grogon, as he fashioned a trap out of ferns and rocks so he could catch a sabretooth tiger.
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