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May 24th, 2023 
Awake Goy 
DRAPER, UT — A local couple put their relationship to the test after agreeing to hang a set of new curtains up in their spare bedroom over the weekend.
“We’ve always enjoyed a strong relationship,” Amy Jensen explained as she watched her husband David balance precariously on the top rung of a step ladder. “I’m not worried about something as trivial as-oh, wait, honey…are you going to hang them that high?”
David and Amy Jensen celebrated their fifteenth anniversary just a few days ago and say they decided to take on the project together as a way of checking on the strength of their relationship. “I love Amy, she’s my soulmate,” David said. “She’s my rock and…hey sweetheart, you can’t pull on the curtain rod to level it out after I’ve already screwed it in, it’s level, I promise. Amy. Amy, stop.”
Earlier in the day, the couple successfully navigated a joint trip to Ikea which saw only a small dispute in the kitchen section over whether or not they needed a new salad bowl even though they already have 4 in the cupboard at home, and a slight argument over which doormat looked the least like ‘your gay cousin Mason lives here’.
“We’re strong, we’re tough,” Amy commented, “We made it through his mom staying with us for three weeks, we can definitely make it through something as simple as hanging a set of curtains up. David, honey, the pattern should face the inside of the room, not the street. David, are you listening?”
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