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December 10th, 2021 
Awake Goy 
WICHITA, KS—According to sources, a local mom clearly phoned in her nightly routine of posing the elf on the shelf last night.
“I’m disappointed,” said an anonymous source with firsthand knowledge of the situation. “Of all the delightful mischief she could have depicted the elf getting into overnight—like pulling down ornaments, getting into the snacks, wrapping the milk in wrapping paper, or writing the kids’ names on the wall—this is what she chose to do? Lame.”
Witnesses say the mom just half-heartedly hung the elf upside down on a lamp. That’s it. Nothing else. Sad!
Experts are unsure whether this half-baked attempt had anything to do with the fact that Mom also spent the entire evening cleaning, doing laundry, and packing lunches for the kids.
“We’re just hoping she works a little harder at it tonight,” said the source.
This Christmas, get the doll that will shame and terrify your children about the climate… Greta On The Shelf!
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