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June 19th, 2021 
Awake Goy 
U.S.—After the passing of Juneteenth as a federal holiday, the libertarians of the nation are renewing their push for 365 federal holidays a year.
“We’re glad the federal government will not be working one more day — but it’s not enough,” said local libertarian man Jake Fluglehorn of Idaho. “We will not rest until the federal government has a holiday every single day of the year.”
Kinda-libertarian Rand Paul formally introduced the bill into Congress today, proposing a day off every day of the year for everyone working in the executive, legislative, and judicial branches, as well as anyone working for any of the hundreds of unconstitutional bureaucracies.
In order to pass their agenda, libertarians have had to come up with more holiday ideas, proposing, among others, the following:
- Dank Kush Day
- Bitcoin Day
- Shoot Your Firearms Up Into The Air Day
- Punch A Grizzly Bear Day
- End the Fed Day
- Throw Commies Out Of Helicopters Day
- The whole month of August will be taken off for Ron Paul’s birthday
Should the measure pass, the federal government will have to get everything done on the only non-federal holiday every four years: February 29.
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