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May 18th, 2021 
Awake Goy 
MOJAVE DESERT, NV—Conflict has heated up between Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner, with Coyote once again being tricked into plummeting off a cliff. This has led to worldwide condemnation of the Road Runner and his disproportionate use of force, as the Road Runner has repeatedly and severely injured Coyote while Coyote has not once laid a hand on the Road Runner.
“The Road Runner has constantly caused Wile E. Coyote to explode, run into walls, and fall off of extremely high cliffs,” reads a U.N. resolution against the Road Runner. “This is abusive treatment of an animal that is merely hungry and has never (successfully) harmed anyone, and the abuse must end.” The resolution was signed by most members of the U.N. (though not the U.S.).
Despite wide condemnation of the Road Runner, President Biden has reiterated support for the Road Runner, saying the Road Runner has a right to self-defense against “coyotes and other predators.” This has put him in conflict with many progressives, including “The Squad,” who see a large imbalance between the threat to the Road Runner and the violence inflicted on Coyote.
“He is just a mean, mean bird,” said Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. “And what is he doing running around on the ground? The ground is not for birds.” Ocasio-Cortez started pounding her podium. “The ground is not for birds! He needs to go back where he came from… the sky!”
Activists are trying to get businesses to join in putting pressure on the Road Runner with an announcement they have joined forces with the ACME Corporation.
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