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August 29th, 2021 
Awake Goy 
KABUL—After the Taliban announced that Afghans would have to turn in their guns, the White House has sent Beto O’Rourke to Kabul to help out.
Biden quickly praised the proposal and offered to send the gun confiscation expert and failed congressional candidate to go help take everybody’s guns.
“[Flowerbed] yes we’re coming for your guns,” O’Rourke said as he happily went door to door to take firearms from soon-to-be helpless Afghan civilians. “This will greatly reduce gun violence, as Afghans won’t be able to fight back at all and will simply have to submit to the Taliban’s rule.”
“Unlike America, the Taliban is very progressive when it comes to gun legislation. This is just a common-sense measure,” O’Rourke said as he wrestled an AK-47 out of the hands of an Afghan woman before the Taliban whisked her away.
Unfortunately, O’Rourke was caught in his furry costume and is now imprisoned on death row. Biden says we will have to either drop off some pallets of cash to get him back or start a second Afghan war.
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