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August 14th, 2021 
Awake Goy 
With Infrastructure Bill Passed, Congress Gets To Work On Legislation To Fix Roads And Bridges
WASHINGTON, D.C.—After a grueling five-month fight to pass the $1.2 trillion infrastructure bill, members of Congress say they are eager to get started on new legislation to fix the nation’s crumbling roads and bridges.
“The fight over the infrastructure bill was long and arduous,” said senate majority leader Chuck Schumer. “Now that the bill has finally passed, we need to get to work fixing our roads and bridges, which have fallen into an embarrassing state of disrepair.”
Minority leader Mitch McConnell mirrored Schumer’s sentiment. “We were proud to work together with Democrats to pass the infrastructure bill,” he said. “If there’s one thing both sides can agree on, it’s spending money we don’t have. But now it’s time to get serious and shift our focus from infrastructure to our highways and overpasses.”
Voters appeared confused by the statements, with many saying they assumed funding for roads and bridges was included in the $1.2 trillion infrastructure bill that just passed. “Roads and bridges aren’t infrastructure, you uncultured rural swine,” said Nancy Pelosi. “The racial equity of global warming, endangered pollinating beetles, and an underground doomsday ice cream freezer vault at my Napa Valley winery are infrastructure!”
At press time, a spokesperson for Schumer’s office said congressional Democrats were close to reaching a deal for $800 billion in funding to rebuild roads and bridges in Afghanistan.
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