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September 2nd, 2022 
Awake Goy 
U.S. — WNBA games are the last place on earth where a person can safely social distance, say infectious disease experts. As a result of these findings, the WNBA is enjoying a surge in its fanbase as tens of people flock to the games to get away from “germ-infested grandma killers.”
Mary McGrady, a single white female burdened with tremendous colonial guilt, told reporters she was “relieved” when she discovered the WNBA still existed. “We are in the midst of a devastating pandemic that has killed six million people but no one cares!” she wailed like a ghost. “I’m so glad I found a great place to get away from people.”
Newer fans like McGrady are concerned that, now that the secret is out, they won’t be able to social distance anymore as more people try to join in on their brilliant COVID life hack. However, sporting experts suggest that there’s no way that will ever happen.
“I don’t know what the WNBA is,” said Senior Sports Analyst for Sports Ball Radio Jeffrey Tobacco. “Is that a yoga class or something?”
WNBA players are reportedly excited at the chance to possibly wow someone accidentally. “With more people in the stadium, we’re bound to impress someone,” Seattle Storm player Breanna Stewart said naively.
At publishing time, some mild coughing by a visitor in attendance at a Los Angeles Sparks game was distorted just enough by the acoustics to sound like clapping, causing the female basketballers to break down and cry.
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