Bank Learns Hard Lesson That If They Invest Their Money Irresponsibly The Government Will Bail Them Out

SANTA CLARA, CA — Executives at Silicon Valley Bank are reeling after learning one of the most brutal lessons in banking: if you invest your money irresponsibly, the government will just bail you out.

“This is a tough lesson to learn — the school of hard knocks,” said SVB CEO Greg Becker. “After years of investing in woke tech startups that had terrible products, bloated staff, and no conceivable value whatsoever, it’s time to pay the piper by experiencing no consequences or accountability whatsoever. Thanks, Biden!”

SVB joins other reputable financial establishments such as Goldman Sachs, Bank of America, and Crazy Al’s Payday Loans on the corner of 5th and Main in learning a tough lesson they will not learn from in any way, shape, or form.

“SVB performs an indispensable function in society,” Becker continued. “Without us, how would we fund wonderful start-ups pioneering Chinese facial recognition software, or dating apps for queer Communist paraplegics of color? We’re grateful for this difficult lesson we’ve learned and look forward to learning it again in a few years.”

At publishing time, sources confirmed the recently bailed-out SVB had collapsed once again.

Meet Carlos Renaldo, Jr. Experts believe he has saved over 3.8 billion lives by heroically wearing a mask alone while in the car. Is he a hero – or a superhero? You decide.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more guffaw-inducing chucklefests!

You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

Leave a Reply

Powered by WordPress | Designed by: Premium WordPress Themes | Thanks to Themes Gallery, Bromoney and Wordpress Themes