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June 30th, 2023 
Awake Goy 
Trying to find a great, cheap sex toy when you’re horny is like grocery shopping when you’re hungry. If you’re not careful, anything could get in your cart, from toxic jelly dildos to too-potent stalks of ginger (they call it “figging”).
Hence, why we’re here to preach the word of affordable vibrators. It is entirely possible to find great, cheap vibes for men, women, and everyone else that hit the spot(s) without contributing to your negative credit score. You just have to know which retailers to trust, which brands to rock with, and how to stay abreast of sales [adds nipple clamps to cart] as they pop off.
Luckily, we have been training our whole lives for this moment, and trawled the web to bring you the best cheap vibrators for under $35 that might just change your life. We’ve purchased bougie Italian subs and iced coffee combos that cost more than some of these bangers, so lube up the Amex and let’s get you the bullet vibrator, wand, and prostate massager of your wet dreams.
Bullet vibrators are great for beginners
New to sex toys? Bullet vibrators are a great place to start, because they are essentially vibrating XXXL Tic Tacs that can be applied to erogenous zones during foreplay, or to directly to the clitoris for stimulation. Both of these wee bullets have super high-ratings from their respective reviewer bases, and both are on sale. The Pleasurette, which has been called “Tiny but mighty” is now under $20 during Babeland’s blow out your back sale, while Amazon’s bestselling plusOne vibe is 12% off. As one reviewer writes about the latter, “If you’re doubting it, DON’T, just hit add to cart and buy this shizzle. Cause it’s the nizzle.”
The Satisfyer Pro 2 is the GOAT
Often imitated but rarely equalled, the Satisfyer Pro 2 is one of my desert island vibrators/ favorite non-denominational deities to worship. Not only is this clitoral vibrator whisper quiet, but the soft silicone tip has a near-sentient way of stimulating your clit—without ever directly touching it—with its AirPulse technology. This legend is going for around $40 on Amazon, where it has over 58,900 reviews, but it’s on sale at PinkCherry right now for under $30.
Amazon’s bestselling wand vibrator
There are actually a lot of great sex toys hiding on Amazon, so the next time you’re loading up on Squishmallows and Fire tablets or whatever, consider tossing the mega-retailer’s bestselling wand vibrator—no small feat on a site with over 12 million items—into your cart. Ava’s wand has a 4.2-star average rating from over 22,500 reviews on the site, and is yet another excellent intro-to-sex-toys staple. Wand vibrators are wonderful for anyone craving a little more horsepower and direct clitoral stimulation, and they can also be fun to rub around the gooch. Plus, if Mother drops in for a surprise visit, you can just say it’s a muscle massager.
You’re prostate orgasm-curious
… Of course you are! They feel amazing, according to sex education specialists. Some of our favorite P-spot toys by luxury brands such as LELO can cost around $200, but this Ripple Rider from Lovehoney is an affordable alternative with high ratings, and a clutch find for prostate stim noobs and specialists alike. The flared base adds extra perineum tickling, while the curved and tapered tip makes for heightened internal stimulation. Cop it while it’s 50% off.
A vibrating dildos and harness bundle
Everyone’s strap-on fantasy is different, and the internet is flush with Captain Underpants-esque briefs, jewel-toned leather Game of Thrones get-ups, and plenty of Amazon harnesses for under $35, but this bundle provides you with both a vibrating anatomical dildo and a harness for under $30. It has a 4.6-star average rating on Amazon, where one reviewer writes, “the size is perfect and so is the real feel. The vibrator has plenty [of] settings.”
Grimace’s butt plug
Happy birthday to Ronald McDonald’s poly partner in crime, newly queer icon, and purple love menace, Grimace. There’s no way that this walking violet teste doesn’t put down pipe, as evidenced by his (unofficial) vibrating butt plug from Babeland. This anal toy, which is otherwise christened “Bubbles,” has those fresh from the frosty machine ridges and a flared base for perineum stimulation that makes us groan, “I’m lovin’ it.”
Vibrating cock ring
Couples sex toys can also be pretty expensive, but you don’t have to start off with elaborate app-controlled sex toys to get in on the fun. Textured cock rings are one of the most affordable, and effective ways to bring sex toys into partner play, and this popular C-ring from Lovehoney has a 4.3-star average rating from over 500 reviews. Not only is this “bionic” ring endowed with 2 loops (one for the peen; one for the balls), but it has little nubs around the bullet vibrator for clitoral stimulation.
Vibrating penis stroker
We didn’t think it would be possible, but we actually found a vibrating penis stroker for the same cost as a bougie cocktail from a Midtown NY tiki bar. As one Lovehoney reviewer writes about this compact, textured stroker, “[my boyfriend] absolutely loves it, and works well as a stand alone toy or extra pleasure when giving head.” Plus, it looks like those “jellyfish eggs” that wash up on the beach in Southern California.
Here’s to a stingy, sexy summer.
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.
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