The Queen’s men and a chippy class warrior

By
Quentin Letts

17:17 EST, 27 April 2012

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17:17 EST, 27 April 2012

Class warrior: Paul Flynn MP

Class warrior: Paul Flynn MP

Two of the Queen’s senior representatives were given a torrid time at a Commons committee this week.

The Lord-Lieutenants of East Lothian and Cheshire were appearing at the Public Administration Select Committee. They were soon assailed for being ‘rich, Gentile, male and white’.

Lord-Lieutenants (or Lords Lieutenant, if you prefer) are the Monarch’s point men in the shires. Unpaid, they do charitable works, organise royal visits, advise on honours and recommend who should be invited to Buckingham Palace garden parties.

This all proved too much for Labour MP Paul Flynn (Newport), a veteran republican and class warrior. He disclosed that, in his days as a steel worker, he applied to become a Lord-Lieutenant. He was, alas, unsuccessful.

Addressing East Lothian’s Sir Garth Morrison and Cheshire’s David Briggs at Tuesday’s meeting, Mr Flynn quite roughly asserted that in order to become a Lord-Lieutenant it remains  necessary ‘to live in a large house, be rich, have a military career,  be a Gentile, male and white’. Mr Flynn alleged that all Lord-Lieutenants were Tories. When did a Lord-Lieutenancy last go to a single mum on benefits? Sir Garth, 74, although indeed a male ex-naval officer who farms near North Berwick, was by now not so much white as a distinct shade of scarlet.

He was far too polite to tell Mr Flynn to bog off — a sweeter, more courtly old gent it would be hard to find — but he was plainly taken aback by the assault and blushed hard.

Mr Briggs, younger, had less hesitation in returning fire. He told Mr Flynn he was a small businessman with a normal home. To be a Lord-Lieutenant was a privilege, yes, but it cost him a good deal of money.

Throughout, MPs used the term ‘the great and the good’ in a pejorative manner. It made me boil.  What do they want instead? The mediocre and the malign? Lord-Lieutenants may not be voted into office. They may be a relic of a  different hierarchy. But they  provide useful local knowledge.

Sir Garth disclosed that one  Lord-Lieutenant had to ring  London to warn that a proposed recipient of a major honour was in fact cooling his heels in prison.

Miliband

Edward Miliband is not yet one of life’s scintillators. The Labour leader visited the Reading suburb of Tilehurst this week to campaign for local candidates, including one Haji Banaras. Alas, in the course of a speech by Mr Miliband, Comrade Banaras fell asleep.  I know the feeling, Haji.

Culture Secretary Jeremy Hunt’s troubles may have complicated the selection process for the next Arts Council chairman, officially in Mr Hunt’s gift.

Events have not helped the candidacy of low-brow TV producer Sir Peter Bazalgette.

But have Sir Peter’s chances  been exaggerated anyway? Downing Street has started to take an interest in the  Arts Council.

‘David Cameron has put the black spot on Bazalgette,’ I am told. ‘He is also determined Lord (Gus) O’Donnell will not be the next Bank of England governor.’

A little-known outsider in the Arts Council race may be John Preston, novelist and Fleet Street arts journalist.

Scotland Yard boss Bernard Hogan-Howe has stated firmly that police officers must pass fitness tests. ‘They should be able to run and fight,’ he told MPs the other day. ‘That is not to say that my staff or the Police Federation agree with me.’

Until recently the Yard’s most senior officer was Deputy Commissioner Tim Godwin, whose working day invariably began with six bangers in the canteen.

‘Tim was so chubby he couldn’t have caught a suspect fleeing on a Zimmer frame,’ says an acquaintance.

Mr Hogan-Howe’s reference to the Federation is intriguing. Can he be referring to its chairman, Paul ‘Puddings’ McKeever? It brings new meaning to the term ‘a belt-tightening exercise’.

Handbags at dawn, ladies?

How the BBC loved the claim by Nadine Dorries that Messrs Cameron and Osborne were ‘arrogant posh boys’. I received a dozen invitations from various parts of the BBC — they were still at it yesterday — to discuss Mr Cameron’s class.

In the same period, the European Union sank closer to disaster with the collapse of the Dutch government and economic upheavals in Spain. Funnily enough, there came not a single request from the BBC to talk about that.

Claire Perry

Nadine Dorries

Handbags at dawn: Claire Perry (left) and Nadine Dorries (right)

Meanwhile, Mrs Dorries’s attack was too much for the burningly loyal Cameroon Claire Perry (Con, Devizes). Mrs Perry stomped into the MPs’ tea room at the Commons and complained that Mrs Dorries should jolly well (not quite that expression, actually) defect to UKIP.

Friends helpfully reported this back to Mr Dorries, who in turn now refers to the statuesque Mrs Perry as ‘Miss Tight Tunic’ and retorts that she, Dorries, has been in the Tory Party a great many more years than her critic and fully intends to stay put, thang yew.

Dorries v. Perry. It could be as watchable a rivalry as that of tennis legends Chris Evert and Martina Navratilova.

Informal life of Brian Co

Off-cuts from a day at the  Leveson Inquiry:

Leading counsel Robert Jay QC uses a hand-written script. From my vantage point, the ink seems to be pink.

Court rules are less stiff than at the Hutton Inquiry, which was held in the same room. A man in the public gallery chomps fish and chips during the lunch hour.

Mr Jay is less deferential to Lord Justice Leveson than I have known some barristers be to judges. There is little of the ‘my lord’ business. In the corridor outside he refers to him  as ‘Brian’.

Rupert Murdoch, although a U.S. citizen, has not lost his Aussie accent. He pronounces ‘quango’ as ‘quongo’.

The Murdochs are a demonstrative family. Mr Murdoch greets son  Lachlan with a hug. Lachlan responds by patting Dad on the back and  stroking his neck.

The media tycoon rubbishes the idea that New Yorker Irwin Stelzer is, as is sometimes claimed, his  ‘economic guru’. He is just a clever ‘friend’. Mr Jay, with beautifully subtle sarcasm, later refers to ‘Dr Irwin Stelzer, with all his intellectual abilities’. Miaow!

Shouty: Windsor Davis as Sergeant Major Williams

Shouty: Windsor Davis as Sergeant Major Williams

Lah-De-Dah Gunner Cameron!

Andrew Mitchell, International Development Secretary, had useful advice for David Cameron before the PM’s recent trip to Burma. He told Mr Cameron to mug up on the classic TV comedy It Ain’t Half Hot, Mum.

It is Burmese democracy  campaigner Aung San Suu Kyi’s favourite show. She came to love it — and characters such as Windsor Davies’s shouty  sergeant-major (pictured), wet Captain Ashwood (so like Nick Clegg) and ‘Lah-De-Dah’ Gunner Graham — when living in Britain in the 1970s.

Mr Cameron needs little encouragement to reminisce about cheesy TV shows. He is an admirer of Dad’s Army and knows every word and move from the video of Benny Hill’s 1971 song Ernie. On such things are diplomatic  triumphs made.

Here’s what other readers have said. Why not add your thoughts,
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The comments below have not been moderated.

‘A little-known outsider in the Arts Council race may be John Preston, novelist and Fleet Street arts journalist.’ ———– Quentin; my heart skipped a beat and I nearly choked on my cornflakes. For a horrible moment I thought you said John Prescott!

“In the same period, the European Union sank closer to disaster with the collapse of the Dutch government and economic upheavals in Spain. Funnily enough, there came not a single request from the BBC to talk about that.”
Perhaps the BBC thinks you’re not qualified to discuss economics or foreign affairs.

this is typical of politicians in this country they are so against white residents they have to be seen to support all other types what a shower when they stop robbing the public purse they can say what they like but they all seem happy to bite the hand that feeds them

hip hip hooray!

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