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LOS ANGELES, CA—After a lifetime of always being late for church, his job, and funerals, 5-point Calvinist and local resident of Los Angeles Jonathan Knox realized he was predestined to hit every single red light. “It was not up to me,” said Jonathan calmly, after arriving 1 hour 27 minutes late to ushering at the Reformed-Calvin Baptist Church. The Bee caught up […]
Posts Tagged ‘calvinist’
Calvinist Accepts He Was Predestined To Hit Every Single Red Light On The Way To Work
March 10th, 2022 
Awake Goy New Calvinist Escape Room Has Participants Do Nothing While They Wait For Someone To Let Them Out
December 1st, 2021 Awake Goy New Calvinist Escape Room Has Participants Do Nothing While They Wait For Someone To Let Them Out NASHVILLE, TN—Christian entertainment company 4HisGlory Amusements has announced an exciting new escape room experience based on Calvinist theology. Participants will be entirely unable to do anything to escape the room and instead must wait for an actor playing Jesus […]
Calvinist Father Reads Son Heartwarming Bedtime Story ‘Sinners In The Hands Of An Angry God’
October 25th, 2021 Awake Goy Calvinist Father Reads Son Heartwarming Bedtime Story ‘Sinners In The Hands Of An Angry God’ PONTIAC, MI—Every kid loves a good bedtime story before going to sleep, and no one more than little Adoniram Luther Edwards III, whose father makes it a point to read him a classic story such as “Sinners in the Hands of […]
Posted in Jewish News 
Tags: bedtime, calvinist, father, heartwarming, reads, sinners, story 
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