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April 8th, 2021 
Awake Goy 
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Amid growing concerns that record federal spending could cause Americans’ hard-earned money to become worthless, Biden announced his new plan that will save everyone and end poverty forever: a one trillion dollar minimum wage.
“Listen, folks, it’s real simple. Just give everyone a trillion dollars every hour and they’ll have all the money they need!” said Biden to his imaginary friend Toby as they sat down for their nightly viewing of I Love Lucy. “A trillion dollars? Wow, that’s a lot of money! You’ll be set for life, how about that?”
Expert economists such as Paul Krugman estimate that this new plan will cure poverty, sickness, and death for all eternity. “Only a genius like Biden, or maybe Obama, could think of something like this,” said Krugman.
Mega-corporations like McDonald’s have applauded the passage of Biden’s plan. In honor of the occasion, they are unveiling the new trillion-dollar value menu.
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