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September 26th, 2021 
Awake Goy 
U.S.—COVID’s approval rating has skyrocketed after briefly interrupting The View this week with a positive test scare. According to a Gallup poll, 96% of Americans now approve of COVID, up from just 2% before The View broadcast was interrupted with two of the hosts testing positive for the virus. “You know, this COVID thing isn’t so bad,” said one man in the waiting room at his doctor’s office as he watched the show get stopped in its tracks by the virus. He coughed into his hand. “I actually think I have it right now—but to be honest, it’s worth it if it even briefly stops them thar ladies from yappin’.” COVID has said that it’s satisfied with its work, though it was disappointed in itself for not getting the other two hosts as well and not stopping the show for longer. “I’m no hero—I’m just doing what any respiratory disease in my shoes would do,” COVID said in an interview Friday. “I know any one of you other diseases would do the same for me.”
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