Jake Gyllenhaal: Serial Killer

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Jake Gyllenhaal: Serial Killer

March 13th, 2012

FAKE NEWS for the Zionist agenda

The Call Sheet sifts through the day’s glut of Hollywood news to find the stories even non-industry types care about. Today: Jake G. gets creepy in a new music video, Michael Bay is going to put real families through the wringer, and an exciting new Hunger Games clip.

Here’s a music video by the French band The Shoes for their song “Time To Dance.” In it, cuddly cubby bear Gyllenhaal plays… a horrible fencing sword-wielding serial murderer. Yikes! The whole thing plays out sort of like a hipster/Euro American Psycho? Because I guess that’s the touchstone by which all young male serial killer type things have to be judged now? These are the times? This is what Patrick Bateman has done to us? His ultimate crime? Who knows. Anyway, the point is that it’s a creepy, bloody video that doesn’t make a ton of sense but is nicely filmed and the song is kind of fun in a repetitive way. Probably not a bad couple of days work for Jerky Gyllenhaal. [via The Hollywood Reporter]

Explosions alert! Nuanced art-house director Michael Bay is working with AE to develop his first-ever reality series. Yup. We don’t know what the series is going to be except that it will aim to “test the strength of the family unit like never before.” Hm. So it’s families competing to stop Texas-sized asteroids? To kill space robots? To break into Alcatraz to save San Francisco? These are all viable possibilities. Challenges will include walking in slow motion while a jet and/or rocket flames arcs across the sky, putting on Daisy Duke short-shorts and bending over a car engine, watching dumbstruck as buildings fall and an electric guitar screeches doom, and, of course, coming up with the most racist-sounding robot voice. Should be fun! Not for the families, definitely not for the families (especially if there are any comely teenage girls in said families), but for us. Fun for us, at least.[Deadline]

ALERT ALERT. MAJOR WALKING DEAD SPOILER AHEAD. ALERT ALERT. Do not read past this point if you have not seen last night’s SHOCKING EPISODE. OK, everyone here has seen it, yes? All right then. So now that his character has been double-killed by the father and son duo of Conflicty Whiny, Jon Bernthal (Shane) has been tapped as the lead in former Dead show runner Frank Darabont’s new TNT pilot L.A. Noir. It’s an old-timey gangster tale that will have Bernthal playing yet another police officer. But hopefully not a tragic one this time? Who knows. Frankly we’re kinda glad he’s off Dead, as his character had been reduced to little more than an annoying jerk. So goodbye Shane, and hello other police guy. Better luck this time around. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Nickelodeon has ordered a pilot of a show starring one of the sad adult actors who mug pathetically for their ducats on several of the network’s shows. So, that’s nice of them. iCarly‘s Jerry Trainor is that fellow, who will star on a show about an “irresponsible goofball” who “becomes the guardian to his genius conservative nephew.” Genius conservative nephew? Ohhh boy. Is this show about this little pischer? Because if so, good grief. Nothing more to say about that than good grief forever. [Deadline]

Showtime has announced that their much-loved espionage series Homeland will return for season two on September 30th. So that gives you all plenty of time to plan your themed premiere party menus. Electroshock-Full-o’Nuts Party Mix! Saul Berensundaes! Shabu-shabu Nazir! Things like that. But those are our ideas. You can’t take those. Get your own. [Vulture]

Eeeeeek. Here is a new Game of Thrones season two trailer that’s all about all the romance. Ha, and when we talk about “romance” on this show we mostly mean straight f–kin’. Lots of the taking of people from behind on this show, huh? Well, things heat up even more this season and here’s a little preview for it. Supposedly this is an effort to attract more female viewers, which, OK, maybe that will work, but primarily this ad is going to attract the renfair pervert crowd, which this show already has. But, hey, we’re not complaining. [via Entertainment Weekly]

Double eeeeek. Here is another romance clip, this one from the upcoming Hunger Games movie, in which Peeta, our pretty pretty pocket prince, confesses his deep sex-love for heroine Katniss. It’s a short one, but it’s pretty intense too. Hunger Games! Hungah Gimz! Hungahhh! ELEVEN DAYS, guys.

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And, finally, here is a clip for the upcoming On the Road movie featuring noted acting geniuses Garrett Hedlund and Kristen Stewart. They use that “Roman candles” quote because of course they do. I dunno. It looks pretty, but shallow, y’know? Whatever, man. See it if you want. We’re not the boss of you.