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June 19th, 2021 
Awake Goy 
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Being a police officer in 2021 kiiiiiiinda sucks, since, you know, everyone will hate you and you’ll constantly be in fear of someone throwing a brick at your head or burning out your cop car just because. Well, we at The Babylon Bee have gathered up nine career choices that are MUCH more appealing than being a police officer in the current year. Check it out:
1. Honeybadger catcher – Instead of trying to wrangle up Antifa members, just try to catch some wild honeybadgers. Much easier!
2. Land mine tester – Much less deadly than policing in a Democrat-controlled city!
3. MAGA hat salesman in Portland – Compared to being a cop in Portland, you’ll be loved and adored!
4. Lori Lightfoot’s assistant – A bad career but not police officer bad.
5. The guy at Facebook who has to examine photos flagged for having penises in them – This job sucks, but you’re not hated by all.
6. Chrissy Teigen’s publicist – OK this one is getting pretty close to being as bad as a 2021 police officer.
7. The guy at the recycling center who has to drink the last milk out of your plastic jugs – At least you know you’ll be doing it for Mother Earth!
8. Your mom’s mirror – OOOOOH DAAAAAAANG!
9. Christian movie reviewer – Alright, even we admit being a cop might be more appealing than watching every Christian movie that comes out.
Well, little would-be police officers in elementary school: pick one of these careers and get going!
NOT SATIRE:
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