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July 1st, 2021 
Awake Goy 
NEW YORK CITY, NY—After generating buzz over their “football is gay” marketing campaign, the NFL has clarified that they weren’t really talking about all of football or the entire league being gay, they were just talking about the Dallas Cowboys.
“Yeah, we’re sorry about that,” said an apologetic Roger Goodell to reporters. “I suppose we should have been more precise in the language we used. I take full responsibility for the confusion and vow to do better in the future. But yeah– the Cowboys are totally gay.”
The world is celebrating the news that an entire football team from the conservative state of Texas has finally chosen to come out of the closet.
“I mean, we always knew, but it takes courage to come out and this is an exciting step for progress in equality and acceptance,” said Goodell. “We hope that over time, all the other gay teams will come out of the closet as well.”
“Or at least Aaron Rodgers. I mean come on, man!”
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