Jew World Order

There are few things better than a truly delicious cocktail. Here at VICE, we love them. Like, what’s better than a perfectly mixed Negroni after work, a refreshing Painkiller on a hot day, or five whiskey and Diet Cokes at an Interpol concert? Nothing! And while going to restaurants with solid cocktail lists can be super fun and hitting your neighborhood cocktail bar can allow you try delicious creations you’d never have come up with yourself, if you enjoy a good mixed drink, you owe it to yourself (and your future Hinge dates) to be able to whip up some classics on the fly. Nothing’s hotter than someone who can throw together a bangin’ martini or a punchy Last Word at a moment’s notice. Plus, cocktails can be really goddamn expensive—while I love spending $18 on drinks named after Blink-182 songs and containing vintage Cynar and Swiss chard tincture or whatever, sometimes I just want to save a few bucks and crush Boulevardiers in my apartment while watching at least four episodes of Criminal Minds.

Making cocktails can be intimidating, it’s true—but it doesn’t have to be. Sure, becoming a renowned mixologist takes years and years of studying, training, and, in most cases, working long, stressful hours in good bars and restaurants. Fortunately for you, making a great Manhattan is something you can achieve by being Don Draper just learning the basics and practicing a bit. It’s not my job to teach you how to be a great cocktailer; what I can do, however, is tell you what tools you’ll need and why, and recommend some extremely helpful literature so that you can learn on your own. At the end of the day, literally anybody can make a great cocktail, and for not very much moolah. All you need are the right tools, a bit of time, and a thirst for Everclear knowledge. Here’s where to begin.

A good shaker

That horny sound you hear coming from behind the bar, right before you’re served a delicious cocktail? That’s a Bruce Springsteen song. But the noise in the background is probably a bartender using a cocktail shaker to thoroughly mix and chill your drink. These tools blend drinks in a way that you can’t just by mixing them in a glass, if not only because you’re shaking them with ice, which helps emulsify the drink and give it a nice texture. You’ll need one—ideally with stainless steel construction, a strong seal, and a dishwasher-safe finish. Doesn’t need to be anything fancy (although you can always upgrade to that later)—feel free to start with these affordable picks from Amazon.

A jigger (because even though you think you can just eye it, you really can’t)

A big part of why your fave bar’s drinks are so good is because, well, they actually measure their drinks properly. On that note, a jigger is a tiny measuring device that makes sure you’re actually pouring an ounce of orgeat or two ounces of mezcal. They’re small, easy to handle, and often double-sided, like the Cocktail Kingdom option below, so you can quickly drop one- and two-ounce pours without actually having to look at the numbers. Sure, we’re all out here from time to time jamming a third daiquiri without correctly portioning it—but for those first two, you’ll want the correct ratios, because you can taste the difference. OXO’s see-through angled measuring cup lets you watch either from above or from the side to make sure you’re hitting the mark.

A nice mixing glass

Want a stirred drink where the flavors are still pretty pure, i.e., they aren’t bashed around with a bunch of broken ice? The reason your Sazerac is so punchy and aromatic is because it was mixed slowly in a beautiful glass by a genius and not by a dumbass with a huge, plastic Buffalo Wild Wings cup. With mixing glasses, a thick base is good, because you know it’s not going to move around or tip over while you’re powering through getting your next Old Fashioned ready; and a textured exterior is eye-catching and improves your grip. Plus, we simply love barware and glassware brand Viski.

A spoon just for mixing

You’ll want a long, skinny spoon for mixing your drink. Do not use a knife. Do not use a straw. Do not use your finger (until maybe your fourth drink, then it’s fine). The reason the bar spoon works is because you can gather up some momentum and really mix the liquid, rather than just stirring it, which is what your finger does. It’s essential, plus it looks hella cool when you’re good at using one of these. Textured spoons like this one, which also features a sturdy 12-inch handle and attractive polished stainless steel, make it easy to get that perfect stir—as long as you remember that it’s all in the wrist. 

A strainer, so you aren’t munching on ice and mint while sipping

When your drink is mixed, you need to make sure it makes it into the glass without all the ice, pulp, herbs, or whatever else it was mixed with. Again, don’t use a knife, a fork, or your hand for this—it doesn’t look nice, and for most people, it’s an immediate turn-off if they see you doing it. A good strainer’s going to provide a tight fit against your shaker or mixing glass, but also feel ergonomic when you pour it, so you never have to worry that it’s going to slip or that anything’s going to get through. We love OXO’s kitchen gear, and its strainer is no different, due to its raised lip, durable steel body, and non-slip finger rest, which makes you confident when pouring that you won’t spill a drop of that wonderful nectar.

Actually good tools

Cutting and juicing citrus: These are important components of the prep work that goes into mixing. God help you if you’re cutting that lime with a butter knife and squeezing it with your hand. You’re an adult, bro, come on. As far as paring knives go, the Victorinox 3.25-inch knife is a low-frills but super-sharp option that feels good in the hand and is a ridiculously low price—we’d take it over one ten times as expensive. (Or, you know, if you already have something fancier in your kitchen, feel free to use that.) As far as a juicer, sure, you could get an electric one, but then how would you partially juice a half of a lime and just drop it directly into a margarita the way my favorite marg spot does? Manual tools always give you more control with this type of thing. Go old school with this popular Chef’n option, (unless you’re batching fresh margs for 12 people and simply need a shitload of fresh lime immediately). 

An excellent cocktail manual

I’ve read a lot of Death & Co., the cocktail book from the eponymous, celebrated New York cocktail bar, and it taught me more than I could ever possibly remember about everything from the different types of gin to how to use different bartending tools to how to make ginger syrup for a Dark & Stormy. Cocktail Codex has more of a thesis: That there are really only six fundamental models for cocktails, and if you master those, you can make anything. Both Death & Co. and the lauded, James Beard Award-winning Cocktail Codex—which share a co-author in influential mixologist and bar consultant Alex Day—have inspired and taught countless bartenders, in both bars and homes. They’re full of great information, from cocktail history to types of spirits to, yes, hundreds of recipes. If you really want to learn how to make good drinks, invest in a great cocktail book and bury your nose in it.

Actually… uh, I think I’ll just take a Bud Light, thanks.

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