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May 12th, 2021 
Awake Goy 
WASHINGTON, D.C.—As fuel shortages cause long lines at gas stations across the country, President Biden admitted he was worried that this may hurt Carter’s chances against Reagan in the upcoming election.
“Listen, it’s a real problem,” said President Biden to his bathtub, which he had mistaken for his press pool. “People need gas. All the Latinx and poor kids need gas– even the white kids. I’m just worried President Carter may not get reelected. Reagan’s comin’ on pretty strong.”
Solutions proposed by Biden include building some sort of an “extra-large pipeline” to carry more gas into the country or making everyone exchange their automobiles for bicycles.
“We have to do something before Reagan catches Jimmy Carter in the polls!” said Biden.
White House sources report Biden is “fully committed” to solving the gas problem, and that he knows it’s 2021 and he’s the president.
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