Fifty shades of chav! Mother’s own x-rated novel starring ‘chav Barry’ becomes internet sensation

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Fifty shades of chav! Mother’s own x-rated novel starring ‘chav Barry’ becomes internet sensation

July 16th, 2012

FAKE NEWS for the Zionist agenda

By
Catherine Eade

PUBLISHED:

12:58 EST, 15 July 2012

|

UPDATED:

05:34 EST, 16 July 2012

A quick thinking mother has been writing about her own X-rated adventures with ‘Fifty Shades Of Chav’ based around her Tyneside home.

Mother-of-five Mel Dutton’s version of the publishing success story Fifty Shades Of Grey is causing something of an internet sensation.

Her stories of amorous adventures with her fictional partner ‘chav Barry’ have proved popular with online readers who are now clamouring for ‘Fifty Shades Of Chav’ to become a book.

X-rated: Mel Dutton, who has created her own story based around her home in Blaydon, Gateshead, calling it 'Fifty Shades Of Chav'

X-rated: Mel Dutton, who has created her own story based around her home in Blaydon, Gateshead, calling it ‘Fifty Shades Of Chav’

Mel Dutton, back row, far right, with some of her friends and family outside her house in Tyneside

A Facebook group called ‘Petition to get Mel Dutton’s 50 Shades of Chav Printed’ now has 1,120 members.

The 36-year-old from Gateshead says she started writing in the evenings after her children had gone to bed.

‘I love writing and I’m known for my quick wit, especially on Facebook,’ she says. ‘I was thinking about that book Fifty Shades Of Grey, and thought I’ve got the inspiration by looking out of my kitchen window.

Inspiration: Fifty Shades of Grey has won millions of fans

‘It’s real life and it is in-your-face and I actually make myself cry laughing when I read it back to myself.

‘The inspiration comes from people that I know.’

Miss Dutton has spent the last few months scribbling down her raunchy stories and has now collected enough for a book.

To tease her audience she uploads short chapters onto Facebook and tweets short extracts on her Twitter account, @fiftyshadeschav.

‘They are quite rude but people have really loved them and I’ve heard people reading little bits from it to their friends at the bus stop and even at the school gates.’

‘I’ve always written about my life and do it in the evenings when I’ve got five minutes’ peace.

‘Now mums are reading my stories out to people and I’m the talk of Gateshead.’

The extracts are mostly too graphic to be printed here, as are the short Tweets from Mel Dutton’s Twitter account.

Here we print a selection of the least eye-watering lines.

FIFTY SHADES OF CHAV: SOME OF THE LESS GRAPHIC LINES

‘I turned around and there was Dwayne. Our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind Farmfoods.‘

‘As he approached with those pasty white arms hanging out of his Umbro vest, his smile told me it was benefit day.’

‘His skinny arms straddled my head like breadsticks either side of an orange.’

‘That night we had sex. Me hanging out of the bedroom window holding the aerial in the best position while Dwayne watched Big Brother’

‘Later that week the telly had arrived, I was chuffed. It only had a couple of scratches where it had been unscrewed from the pub wall.’

‘I passionately kissed him as my hand moved down the front of his pants. Cutting my finger on the cutlery he’d stole from Poundland.’

‘Dwayne keeps giving me a look, it’s a nervous twitch. I’m not sure if he’s wants to go upstairs, or it’s that marker pen he’s been sniffing.’

Here’s what other readers have said. Why not add your thoughts,
or debate this issue live on our message boards.

The comments below have been moderated in advance.

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Hilarious, I laughed out loud! its just a spoof, people (intended or not)!

– Chuckie, Cork, Ireland, 16/7/2012 14:48

Is she 36 yrs old!???? Really! I think a few early nights are in order.

– jane, nottm,uk, 16/7/2012 14:44

Too much hype surrounds the real book, so how is it different from anything Jackie Collins has done, or Mills and Boons, etc etc. Young women with Kindles and ipads, hiding behind them on the train to work, they can read something erotic in private woopie doo. This author just got lucky!

– JJ, London, 16/7/2012 14:35

Her mother must be very proud. Bringing up a true lady. Having taken a peek on Twitter, I found myself recoiling in disgust at the vugar tripe I was confronted with. Wayne Rooney’s didgeridoo is the last thing I want entering my …. er, mind.

– Elles, Belles, 16/7/2012 14:13

She’s 36??!!! Hahahahahahahahahahaha! Thanks, DM, I needed a laugh!

– Sarcastic Joe, London, 16/7/2012 14:11

Hated Shades of grey!! At least this is funny.

– Rose, Milton keynes, 16/7/2012 14:11

Why would anyone want to read a book with “chav” in the title????
*what is happening to people*

– Maddie, Telford, Shropshire., 16/7/2012 13:58

I thought books were published on literary merit not by way of online “petitions” I could be wrong I suppose, the sentences “‘I turned around and there was Dwayne. Our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind Farmfoods.” Will paint a picture in my mind for some considerable time I imagine.

– DB1, Nottingham ENGLAND, 16/7/2012 13:51

Why does she have to be from Gateshead? Seriously giving the northeast a bad name!

– Rachel18, Newcastle, 16/7/2012 13:46

It had to happen didn’t it; some body jumping on the bandwagon. The cringe-worthy examples above are enough to tell me she is no writer. But, as per current trends, this will be super-hyped and catapulted to the top ranks on Amazon no doubt. She looks the epitome of chaveness herself and the people who buy this will be the ones it’s aimed at. So, brainless chavs, red arrow away.

– Malis, Planet Earth, 16/7/2012 13:45

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