The real ‘Cowell crisis’ is he’s shabby and lonely

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The real ‘Cowell crisis’ is he’s shabby and lonely

April 22nd, 2012

FAKE NEWS for the Zionist agenda

By
Suzanne Moore

PUBLISHED:

16:13 EST, 21 April 2012

|

UPDATED:

16:13 EST, 21 April 2012

I admit it. I am 100 per cent confused about Simon Cowell, who has insisted again he is 100 per cent heterosexual. I don’t think he is giving it his all. In X Factor speak, he should surely promise 120 per cent at least?

Though what more proof do we need of his straightness than the revelation of an affair with Dannii Minogue, who he speaks of reverently: ‘It was Dannii’s hair, the sexy clothes and the t**s.’

Romance is not dead, though I wouldn’t put it to a public vote.

Romantic: Simon Cowell said it was Dannii Minogue's hair, the sexy clothes and the t**s' that attracted him

Romantic: Simon Cowell said it was Dannii Minogue’s hair, the sexy clothes and the t**s’ that attracted him

Will Dannii become part of his harem
of exes and be given some kind of alimony? His girlfriends are not paid
to keep quiet, obviously, but to maintain the lifestyle they enjoyed
while being Cowelled.

It is
all horribly strange but he freely admits money is his God. He spends a
fortune on flowers and we all know about the endless Botox and push-ups.
As he said, in the way straight guys do: ‘Maintenance is a bitch.’

The
brilliant stock in trade of Tom Bower – whose biography of the X Factor
boss is causing the ‘Cowell crisis’ – is always too much information.
The devil is in the detail. Colonic irrigation is one thing.

Cowell’s penchant for black toilet paper another. That’s not an image easily erased.

What
is shocking is that, though Cowell lives a life many would envy, it
all feels so deeply hollow. Not just the echoey mansions, where he pads
about in his high-waisted pants, but the fact it is full of
channel-flicking ennui.

'Cowelled': Will Dannii Minogue has ecome part of his harem of Simon Cowell's exes?

‘Cowelled’: Will Dannii Minogue has ecome part of his harem of Simon Cowell’s exes?

If he were a contestant on X Factor, the back-story would be of a man who wants to be as rich as Croesus to keep his mum happy but who cannot share that happiness with anyone.

The bland factory-farmed ‘stars’ that X Factor produces have made his fortune as he was shrewd enough to see a record industry in decline and move into TV.

His ‘cruel to be kind’ shtick captivated us for a while. We even enjoyed being manipulated until the extent of the fixing was revealed.

But, as with Big Brother, the format was overstretched. It is telling that, in the midst of a recession, we may prefer something a little kinder.

BBC’s The Voice offers its wannabes mentoring and care. Cowell’s other show, Britain’s Got Talent, often proves the opposite and we end up laughing at some very vulnerable people.

Still, for Cowell the Casanova, there are always the conquests to prove he is in control, though none of the women can ever live up to his mother and no relationship will match that of his parents.

He has no desire for children. The loneliness of the long-distance narcissist is sad indeed. For he knows the price of everything – a song, a voice, a woman – and the value of nothing. It is Cowell’s world, we just live in it.

But as this world looks less than convincing, I found myself watching something that felt its polar opposite – the late Philip Gould’s extremely moving little film on YouTube, When I Die: Lessons From The Death Zone.

Just as Dennis Potter did, Gould reminds us of the intensity of life when he has only a few weeks to live. And he talks of love. For his wife and his children. This may sound like a cliche but it isn’t when it is coming from a man brave enough to stand on his own grave and look death in the face.

Maybe that’s why I find Cowell depressing. What is sordid are not the revelations about the interchangeable lap-dancers and make-up artists but that, for this man who has ‘everything’, life appears so utterly joyless. And loveless.

All the millions, the Minogues, the ‘Mystery Brunettes’ cannot hide an ageing shabbiness. Is jet-skiing with Michael Winner what we all aspire to? Maybe. So why does he look increasingly zombie-like? Why does living the dream look a death zone and so utterly empty?

Sorry, but the web genie escaped years ago

Am I in some kind of time warp? Why are people suddenly talking about the internet and pornography. Has this just happened? No, it’s been around for many years. So has social media.

We have a generation that has grown up with gaming and online personae, with ‘sexting’ and sharing intimate images of themselves, and with frighteningly easy access to hardcore porn.

All these things are indeed problematic but the establishment, politicians and the law lag behind the technology desperately, failing to understand even the basics of the digital age. Most of what they fear has ALREADY happened.

Out of touch: The establishment, politicians and the law lag behind the technology, failing to understand even the basics of the digital age

The absolute last thing we need is an increase in surveillance, as Sir Tim Berners-Lee says. Why on earth is the Government clamping down on our liberty?

What we do need is to educate our children about how search engines work, how to verify sources. Not everything online is true!

They need to understand nothing is ever really deleted, that privacy lost can never be regained. We need to encourage the growth of smaller companies so the web is not controlled by a handful of giants, though it may be too late.

But one thing is for certain. We cannot stuff the genie of open access back into the bottle of national legislation.

Actually, it is not children who need educating about the internet as much as those who want censorship, for their proposals are as unworkable as they are objectionable.

Pippa’s far too busy partying to influence anybody…

'Nice but dim': Pippa Middleton has been named among the top 100 most influential people in the world

‘Nice but dim’: Pippa Middleton has been named among the top 100 most influential people in the world

Inevitably, after the obsession with Pippa Middleton’s back view, there was bound to be a backlash.

Someone, at some point, was bound to ask what she actually does apart from go to parties and sometimes organise them.

She is pretty enough, and ‘fun’. She has something of the ‘nice but dim’ about her and possibly was taken advantage of by some gun-toting Eurotrash mate.

Who knows?

The great mystery, though, is why Time magazine should name her as one of the 100 most influential people in the world.

This must be another world to the one most of us inhabit.

Her achievements amount to being a bridesmaid, having a nice behind and er…?

What’s truly erotic? IKEA

Fifty Shades Of Grey, the bestselling ‘erotic’ fiction, is not floating my boat. It is Mills Boon with a little light whipping.

It features, incredibly, an actual virgin and a rich, handsome businessman. But I am afraid lines such as ‘I am daunted by his kitchen. It’s so sleek and modern and none of the cupboards have handles’ are less arousing than an IKEA catalogue.

And we all know what that does to the average red-blooded female.