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October 17th, 2023 
Awake Goy 
No disrespect to the jelly dildos of yesteryear, but today’s sex toys are both much more body-safe, and, shall we say, “thematically diverse.” They pay homage to everything from psychedelic mushrooms, to sci-fi monsters to the internet's favorite ogre. There are alien-like dildos that look fresh from The Abyss. Some sexual wellness brands even use AI technology to track how hard you cum. So when Unbound Babes announced that it would be relaunching a new-and-improved version of its OG Squish palm vibrator—one that looked like a soft-serve ice-cream cone—I was all ears. I figured the bar was high.
The result was a charming, 2.85-inch tall vibrator that looked like a Carvel soft serve. The reviews started pouring in online for Squish 2.0, with Unbound Babes’ reviewers calling it “a quality vibe with the rumble of an egg [vibrator]. Others noted that thanks to its use of haptic technology, the tighter you squeeze Squish, the more intensely it vibrates.
The following is my honest review of Squish’s specs, from the confusing to the clever to the effortlessly horny.
First impressions
Listen, not only does Squish look like a chocolate-dipped frozen treat, but it also kind of… feels like one? That is, if a soft serve cone could bounce back after a hearty squeeze. This toy is made out of a smooth, body-safe silicone material that compresses easily in your hand, and has a ridged design that makes it really easy to hold and grip. The squeezable membrane feels about one or two centimeters thick:
After a few hours charging, Squish was ready to prove its chops.
What was rad
For the uninitiated, palm vibrators are small sex toys designed to be cupped in your hand and used externally for sexual stimulation. They can look like Poké Balls, or long-lost Apple products; they can be applied to your cooch, gooch, nips, and wherever else you could use some stimulation. (Just don’t shove them up your butt if they lack a flared base.) Plus, palm vibes’ small stature makes them the perfect travel-sized sex toy. All of this made Squish an instant win for me, but it was the toy’s ability to function as both a classic on-and-off and haptic device that really impressed me.
The vibrations on this little dollop can get powerful. But more importantly, they have range, which means I didn’t always have to be committed to turbo-powered vibes when applying Squish to the more sensitive parts of my vulva and clit. Again, haptic functionality lets Squish mirror your needs, allowing it to increase vibrations that match the intensity of your own grip, so there was never a moment when I felt out of control.
All of this was sick and tight, but I could only imagine what a game-changer haptic technology must be for folks who are actively on the lookout for more accessible sex toys. I ran back to Unbound Babes’ review page for Squish and saw that the comments were already rolling in; as one user wrote, “[My partner and I] both have issues with our wrists, so the ability to squeeze it with [our] thighs was great!” Another explained that “the way it's shaped helps [with] the grip & I feel less weird & crampy with my hand than my other vibrating toy.”
When I pressed down, Squish vibed back; when I pressed harder with my pelvis, it responded with a series of near-sentient vibration patterns that turned the old humping and grinding routine into a much livelier, simpatico experience. Plus, it did all of this without getting louder than a Sonicare toothbrush, which is pretty tight if you have roommates.
What was tricky
The pastel colorways are chic, but how cool would it be to have a black and silver Squish? Or a shiny, electric blue Squish? Let’s bring this baby into The Matrix.
TL;DR
Squish isn’t your average vibrator, but it would still make an excellent starter model for the uninitiated. Not to slight some of the more traditional dildos and toys out there—y’all are classics!—but Squish’s touch-activated vibrations make palm vibrators more accessible than ever when it comes to hands-free, clitoral stimulation. It also made me nostalgic for a certain discontinued McDonald’s dessert, but that’s a different story. Basically, you want a clitoral sex toy that feels intuitive, looks discreet on a nightstand, and packs a range of quiet (put potent) vibrations, you’ve gotta scoop a Squish.
Purchase Squish at Unbound Babes.
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