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November 25th, 2021 
Awake Goy 
A lot of churches are going woke these days. From gender ideology to CRT and even worse stuff like changing the color of the carpet, churches are changing to get with the times. And it’s not good, bucko!
Is your church in danger of becoming woke? Look for these ten warning signs:
1. Your pastor Samuel is now your pastor Samantha. – Yep, a clear sign something is amiss.
2. Your hymnals have been replaced with gender-neutral theynals. – Hey, that’s our one joke!
3. The church’s organ has been replaced with a drum set. – A church getting organ removal surgery means it’s definitely transitioning into a woke congregation.
4. They read from a version of the Bible without a single “thee” or “thou”. – Not good!
5. The church implements segregated seating based on skin color. – If you’re asked to move to the back of the sanctuary because you’re white, find a new church!
6. You’re asked to tithe up to 20% if you’re white. – Reparation tithing is a bad omen!
7. The cross on the steeple is replaced with a BLM fist. – Uh-oh…
8. A woman is allowed to give the announcements from the pulpit. – Now this is bad.
9. They drop the second verse of every hymn. – You should sing ALL FOUR VERSES just like Jesus did.
10. All mentions of grace and forgiveness are replaced with guilt and shame. – Now this is the most obvious one: if you’re told to always feel guilty and never offer forgiveness to people who mess up, your church has bought into wokeness. Wait, this one’s not satire!
Is your church going woke? Tell us all your woke horror stories in the comment section below!
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