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Here’s the thing, buddy [dismounts mechanical bull], all our lady friends are hot. Every last one of ‘em, for as it is written in the Book of Thotness, the chief requirements for being a Hot Girl are 1) identifying as a woman, and 2) being a rad woman—meaning, the kind of woman you can trust […]
Posts Tagged ‘gifts’
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The Best Secret Santa Gifts (So It Looks Like You’ve Been Paying Attention)
December 2nd, 2023 
Awake Goy Why is it that, sometimes, Secret Santa feels like a trap? Not in a Panic Room way, even though last-minute gift shopping sure makes our brains spin out, but because we often fall prey to the self-inflicted pressure of finding the perfect present for a friend, co-worker, or family member that says, “I know you […]
The VICE Staff Picks the Best Gifts of 2023
December 1st, 2023 Awake Goy It’s useless asking for a Christmas list from friends and family. Dad will unhelpfully ask for socks for the millionth time, while your mother-in-law has the audacity to assume you can afford to buy her an expensive iPad. Sure, you can stumble into CVS for a gift card, but that feels more than a little […]
The Best Gifts for Cat Lovers (Because Crazy Cat People Rule)
December 1st, 2023 Awake Goy The greatest rivalry of all time is not between Coca-Cola and Pepsi, the Dodgers vs. the Giants, or even Oasis and Blur: It’s between cat people and dog people. But the reason it’s such an ideal back and forth is because both dogs and cats are pretty damn rad. But we’re not here to sing […]
The Best Housewarming Gifts, From Candles to Corkscrews
November 9th, 2023 Awake Goy We all have friends who’ve relocated, peaced out from city life altogether, or, in many cases, decided that they could no longer deal with having three roommates who were all still going on Tinder dates and touching everything in the kitchen with their grubby hands. Those friends took the plunge and got their own places, […]
The Best Gifts for Kids (That You’re Obligated to Buy Presents for)
November 9th, 2023 Awake Goy Recently, I went to a dinner party for my grandparents’ anniversary. My cousins and I range in age from 18 to 35, and have not yet given up our Youngest Generation status by procreating. I say this to let the record show that not only am I not a mom, but I’m also hardly around […]
The Best Gifts for the Friend Who Has Everything
November 8th, 2023 Awake Goy What do you give the person who has everything? At this point in life, they’ve steered the yacht, spun the poi, split the logs, and been through just about every iteration of Most Interesting Person that you could imagine. Meanwhile, you just purchased your first bed frame, and only recently became the kind of person […]
The Best Gifts for Your Wife or Girlfriend (That Feel Thoughtful)
November 8th, 2023 Awake Goy When it comes to the holidays, the best gifts in life—love, friendship, and a cure for IBS—can’t be bought. But the coolest ones can, as evidenced by a these Grateful Dead-themed luxury chocolates. That’s the kind of energy your partner deserves, and it’s why we’ve made you a smorgasbord of presents to shower your lady […]
These Next-Level Gifts Are for True Food Freaks Only
October 13th, 2023 Awake Goy If you’re a gustatory enthusiast, there’s a decent chance your friends are, too. And while we’re sure that you’re a trailblazer within your community, you probably have at least one friend who’s always been a superior cook to you. She was drinking Fernet and using a microplane since birth, or he doesn’t even flinch when […]
The Coolest Tech Gifts That We Didn’t Even Know Existed (But Want Now)
October 13th, 2023 Awake Goy Ah, the wonders of technology. From harnessing solar power to exploring Mars, mankind continuously proves itself capable of achieving the imagination’s wildest ideas. But not all of us are out there using tech to solve the world’s biggest problems. (We’re watching you, Elon Musk.) For those of us who marvel at the wonders of FaceTime […]
The Best Gifts for Libras, Other Than Endless Attention
September 30th, 2023 Awake Goy Lord, did it do us good to lean into the structure of Virgo season. Our closets have never been so organized, our list of self-loathing traits as itemized. But now, it’s time for a waft of cosmic energy that’s a little less uptight, and a whole lot more mulberry-silk-massage-and-bon-voyage. Crack open a spensi craft beer […]
The Best Gifts for Worms Lovers, From ‘Dune’ Art Books to Earthy Scents
August 30th, 2023 Awake Goy Are you often a hot person who feels, even just a little bit, like a worm? Or maybe you’re just down with worms. Maybe you see those shoestring bodies writhing in the mud after the rain, and think, She’s just like me FR. You’re not alone. Worms have been having a huge year, from the […]
The Best Gifts for Pisces, Other Than a Hall Pass
February 23rd, 2023 Awake Goy After navigating the the motivational superhighway of Aquarius season, getting body-slammed by a full moon in Leo this week, and remembering that winter—per some groundhog’s opinion—will be lasting a little bit longer, Pisces season (February 19 to March 20) can’t come soon enough. As a mutable water sign of the zodiac, Pisces’ emotional intelligence can […]
Right Wing Bonus Tracks: The Gifts of the Patriarchy
February 16th, 2023 Awake Goy ALL GIFTS 3X-MATCHED BY 12/31! For 15 years, Right Wing Watch has monitored, exposed, and disrupted right-wing extremists across the country. As their influence grows, our work becomes even more important – as does your support. Please make a year-end donation to keep this critical work going. 3X-MATCH my donation of: ALL GIFTS 3X-MATCHED BY […]
The Best ASMR Gifts for a Tingly Valentine’s Day
February 10th, 2023 Awake Goy You’ve done the dozens of roses schtick, and showered your boo in Zales diamonds and forehead kisses. Why not try something a little different to conjure the feels this Valentine’s Day? Why not let the sensory stylings of ASMR ride in on their noble steed, from one of the most fabulously fried corners of the […]
The Best Gifts for Each Astrology Sign on Valentine’s Day
February 8th, 2023 Awake Goy Congratulations, dude. You must really be in love, because if you’re at the point in your relationship or situationship where you’re browsing for the best V-Day gifts per astrological vibes, you are whipped in the cuddle sauce and don’t care who knows it. Maybe you’re here, in an astrology V-Day gift guide, because your partner […]
The Best Gifts for Your Coffee-Obsessed Significant Other
February 2nd, 2023 Awake Goy Some presents say “I care,” while secretly reading, I get you. Chiefly: coffee. Coffee, coffee, coffee. Who has been given a bag of beans—shitty or swanky—that hasn’t at least proven useful? This is an addiction we are fully cool with enabling for our significant others this Valentine's Day. At the risk of sounding like a […]
The Best Unique Valentine’s Gifts That They’ll Never See Coming
January 25th, 2023 Awake Goy Alright, Valentine's Day is coming sooner than you think, you procrastinating jabroni. Try as we might to pretend that we're judging, the truth is that we've all been in Crunch Time before, desperately trying to identify a gift that will say just the right sweet nothings to our awaiting beloved, and none of the wrong […]
The Best Valentine’s Day Gifts for Long Distance Relationships
January 25th, 2023 Awake Goy So, you love your boo, but not enough to move to the same geographic location where they currently reside? Got it. Unfortunately for you, that means your long distance Valentine’s Day gift-giving stakes are higher than those applied to the lucky bastards who see each other so much they can get away with a card […]
The Best Gifts for Aquarius, Other Than Another Fleeting Obsession
January 21st, 2023 Awake Goy Think of Aquarius Season as a chaser for hard-assed Capricorn Season. That isn’t to say that these air signs aren’t ambitious, too, but they operate on a more eclectic intellectual vibration; famous real-life Aquarians include Yoko Ono, Angela Davis, and Julia Fox; unofficial Aquarians include Jules from Euphoria, Janice from The Muppet Show, and that […]
Mexican President Suggests Residents Reject Drug Gang Gifts
December 28th, 2022 Awake Goy Andrés Manuel López Obrador warned his country’s citizens not to accept holiday handouts and gifts from drug gangs. Source
The Best Gifts for a Cool Person You Just Started Dating
December 17th, 2022 Awake Goy The holidays are just around the corner—and while it can be kinda exciting to spend it with a new boo, it can also strike fear. What should you gift someone who has only just become an actual someone to you? Meaning, a few months ago, they were just a contact in your phone with a […]
The Best Food Gifts For Your Hangry Squad
December 17th, 2022 Awake Goy Slippers, socks, headphones—they’re all fine. Gifts you can eat, tho… that's the level of bestowed enjoyment that we're aiming for when we pick the best gifts for our loved ones. Keeping someone's feet warm is nice, but filling their belly with truffles or chocolate or cheese? Jumpin' Jehoshaphat. That's the good stuff. The best food […]
The Best Gifts for Your Boyfriend, Husband, or Deli Man
December 13th, 2022 Awake Goy So, what are the best gifts for Men™, other than a jar of dirt filled with gold Krugerrands? We asked a whole bunch of real life dudes what the best gifts they’ve ever received are, and they swore by everything from gardening tools to flasks that won’t quit. But what about the best gifts for […]
The Best Practical Gifts, Because We Have Enough Crystals
December 13th, 2022 Awake Goy Don’t get us wrong, we live for a gimmick. Have you seen the chicken bag around which the internet is forming a small cult? How about the electrocution party game, or a computer mouse shaped like a potato? A lot of peeps would say such treasures aren’t a necessity of life, and they would be […]
Elderly Man Hangs Gifts For Less Fortunate On Christmas Tree Outside His Home
December 13th, 2022 Awake Goy Elderly Man Hangs Gifts For Less Fortunate On Christmas Tree Outside His Home The Christmas season is all about giving, and one elderly man in Pennsylvania has found a wonderful way to give to those in need in his neighborhood.Each year, he decorates a Christmas tree out front of his home. But instead of decorating […]
The Best Housewarming Gifts for a Friend Who Just Got Their Own Place
December 9th, 2022 Awake Goy We all have friends who’ve relocated, peaced out from city life altogether, or, in many cases, decided that they could no longer deal with having three roommates who were all still going on Tinder dates and touching everything in the kitchen with their grubby hands. Those friends took the plunge and got their own places, […]
The 12 Days of MUNCHIES: The Best Food Gifts of 2022
December 4th, 2022 Awake Goy The holidays are here, and you’re ready to absolutely annihilate your friends and family with tight food gifts. We’re not talking about restaurant gift certificates and boring ol’ dried spice collections here; no, your circle deserves the weirdest and most fly cuisine-related presents money can buy. They deserve things they’ll love and remember, and you’re […]
The Best Gifts for Gamers (Aside From Some Fresh Air)
December 3rd, 2022 Awake Goy Do you see Takis in the cupboard? Mountain Dew in the fridge? You’ve got a gamer on your hands, chap. We’re not about stereotypes and clichés, but when it comes to gifts, we’ll take all the context clues we can get. Gamers are an interesting breed. Sitting for hours at a time, staring at a […]
The Best White Elephant Gifts, So You Can Absolutely Win the Holiday Party
December 1st, 2022 Awake Goy The holiday season may be full of Nativity scenes, twinkle lights, menorahs, reflections on the good (or bad) behavior of ourselves and others, and general angelic brouhaha—but White Elephant is for the rest of us hellish little biatches. White Elephant is Satan’s time to shine, because it’s your chance to pluck presents that fly deliciously […]
