Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

9 Times Chick-fil-A Employees Saved A Customer’s Life In The Drive-Thru

Not all heroes wear capes, but lots of them wear red polos and goofy-looking yellow suspenders. Here we have collected nine legendary tales of when Chick-fil-A employees literally saved a customer’s life in the drive-thru: Source

Liberals Sit Around Campfire To Tell Scary Climate Change Stories

YOSEMITE, CA — During a camping retreat this week to recharge for more rioting before, during, and after the midterm elections, a group of progressives sat around a campfire and enjoyed swapping scary stories about climate change. “Then, the tropical storms combined with the raging wildfires into an inferno – and then, the floods from […]

Embarrassed Chick-Fil-A Execs Discover Their Cows Have Been Making Tons Of Spelling Errors

ATLANTA, GA — Chick-fil-A marketing executives announced Monday that they were “shocked and embarrassed” to discover that the cows they hired to run their marketing department have been making “egregious and inexcusable spelling errors” for years. One exec was reportedly driving by one of the company’s billboards and realized with horror that basic words like […]

Embarrassed Chick-Fil-A Execs Discover Their Cows Have Been Making Tons Of Spelling Errors

ATLANTA, GA — Chick-fil-A marketing executives announced Monday that they were “shocked and embarrassed” to discover that the cows they hired to run their marketing department have been making “egregious and inexcusable spelling errors” for years. One exec was reportedly driving by one of the company’s billboards and realized with horror that basic words like […]

Embarrassed Chick-Fil-A Execs Discover Their Cows Have Been Making Tons Of Spelling Errors

ATLANTA, GA — Chick-fil-A marketing executives announced Monday that they were “shocked and embarrassed” to discover that the cows they hired to run their marketing department have been making “egregious and inexcusable spelling errors” for years. One exec was reportedly driving by one of the company’s billboards and realized with horror that basic words like […]

Last Man Wearing Pants While Working From Home Finally Caves

SIMPSONVILLE, SC — Sources indicate that the last holdout still wearing full business attire to his work-from-home job has finally caved, going pantsless to his Zoom meetings this morning. “I remember back in April 2020 when I wrote a whole LinkedIn post about the importance of still wearing business attire even when working from home […]

Last Man Wearing Pants While Working From Home Finally Caves

SIMPSONVILLE, SC — Sources indicate that the last holdout still wearing full business attire to his work-from-home job has finally caved, going pantsless to his Zoom meetings this morning. “I remember back in April 2020 when I wrote a whole LinkedIn post about the importance of still wearing business attire even when working from home […]

Child Announces Plan To Remain In Halloween Costume For Next 8 Weeks

ANCHORAGE, AK — After receiving his Halloween costume in the mail early and trying it on, local child Ryden Hollister declared boldly that he would not be removing the costume for the next 8 weeks. “You may now refer to me as Mario,” he told his mother solemnly. “I will not be removing this costume […]

Child Announces Plan To Remain In Halloween Costume For Next 8 Weeks

ANCHORAGE, AK — After receiving his Halloween costume in the mail early and trying it on, local child Ryden Hollister declared boldly that he would not be removing the costume for the next 8 weeks. “You may now refer to me as Mario,” he told his mother solemnly. “I will not be removing this costume […]

Earthquake Causes Thousands Of Californians To Check Twitter To See If That Was An Earthquake

CALIFORNIA — A 3.9-magnitude earthquake over the weekend caused thousands of Californians to pull up Twitter on their phones and post asking if anyone else felt the earthquake. Unsure if what they felt was an earthquake, Californians rushed to be the first ones to post that they thought they might have felt there was an […]

Earthquake Causes Thousands Of Californians To Check Twitter To See If That Was An Earthquake

CALIFORNIA — A 3.9-magnitude earthquake over the weekend caused thousands of Californians to pull up Twitter on their phones and post asking if anyone else felt the earthquake. Unsure if what they felt was an earthquake, Californians rushed to be the first ones to post that they thought they might have felt there was an […]

Hard Luck (1921)

Strange things ensue after a young man attempts to take his own life. Credit: Public Domain Movies– Feature Films: Cinema collection: http://epochcinema.comEpoch Original content: http://epochoriginal.comFeature Films: https://www.theepochtimes.com/featured-films * Click the “Save” button below the video to access it later on “My List.” Follow EpochTV on social media: Twitter: https://twitter.com/EpochTVusRumble: https://rumble.com/c/EpochTVTruth Social: https://truthsocial.com/@EpochTV Gettr: https://gettr.com/user/epochtvFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/EpochTVusGab: […]

Man Who Couldn’t Attend His Mother’s Funeral Sure Glad To See Gay Fetish Festival Still Proceeding As Planned

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Recalling how the government forcibly kept him from attending his own mother’s funeral in the name of public health, local man Ryan Abbott was thrilled to see that no one will be kept from attending gay fetish festivals because of a new public health emergency. Source

Mormon Wedding Turns Into Wild Rager After Someone Slips Some Caffeine Into The Punch

SALT LAKE CITY, UT — Chaos broke out at the wedding of Addison and Nate Morey last Friday when local LDS hooligans snuck caffeinated black tea from a flask into the punch. Source

Woman’s Work-From-Home Business Pitch Contains Concerning Number Of Assurances It’s Not A Pyramid Scheme

SHREVEPORT, LA — During a meeting about an “exciting opportunity,” Emily Levin became progressively more anxious as her old high-school friend Taylor Selick continued to assure her that this work-from-home business was not, in fact, a pyramid scheme. Source

I.T. Guy Miraculously Fixes 10 Employees’ Laptops But Only 1 Returns To Say Thank You

CUPERTINO, CA — Humble PC technician Crisanto Peralta at Future Products Inc. was disheartened Thursday when he fixed the laptops of ten employees, but only one returned to say thank you. Source

Toddler Waits Patiently To Vomit Until 5 Minutes Before Parents’ Date Night

SHREVEPORT, LA — Plans for a relaxing date night were dashed upon the rocks of parenthood Thursday when Sam and Jen Goldwind witnessed 2-year-old Daenerys vomit just five minutes before leaving. Early reports indicate that the child had patiently waited to vomit until precisely the right moment in a ruse to keep her parents home. […]

10 Biggest Adjustments Fleeing Californians Have To Make In Their New States

Hundreds of thousands of people are fleeing California for states like Texas and Florida, but it’s not always easy to adjust to life in an American state. Source

Man Pretends To Enjoy Tea Beverage With Little Slimy Balls Floating In It

PASADENA, CA — While out with friends, local man Kevin Bann put up a valiant effort to feign enjoyment of an orange watery substance with little slimy balls floating in it. His friends have confirmed he is “very cool” and “with the times.” Source

Liberal Neighbors In Game Of Chicken To See Who Will Take Down Their ‘Black Lives Matter’ Sign First

ANN ARBOR, MI — According to sources, two neighbors in an upscale liberal suburb are currently locked in a battle of chicken to see who will be the first person to take down their “Black Lives Matter” yard sign — thereby showing the entire neighborhood they’ve stopped caring about black lives. Source

Family Buys Lake Cabin So They Can Spend Their Vacations Fixing Things Too

CRYSTAL LAKE, MI — After years of relaxing travel, the McWilliams family took the leap and purchased a lake cabin so they can finally spend their entire vacation fixing things. Source

Can You Spot All The Signs Of Racism In This Patriotic Picture?

Racism is everywhere — especially on July 4th! To be a good anti-racist, you must train yourself to see racism everywhere and then loudly and obnoxiously point it out to everyone you meet. Source

Convenient Napkin Dispenser Lets You Grab Either A Handful Of 50 Napkins Or Tear A Small Corner Off 1 Napkin

U.S. — In what dispenser experts are calling an “exciting step forward for waste and frustration,” United Dispensers, LLC announced that this year’s model will dispense either 50 napkins or 0 napkins with a millimeter of tearaway trash for increased irritation. Source

Delivery Guy Patiently Waits ‘Til You’re In Bathroom To Deliver Package That Requires Signature

U.S.—Shocking new research has revealed that delivery persons carrying sensitive packages will oftentimes hide in the bushes outside the delivery address until the intended recipient is in the bathroom, at which point they will jump out of their hiding place, ring the doorbell and courteously wait three seconds before leaving a note that the package could not be […]

Man Awarded Honorary Doctorate After Posting Wordle Score Where He Got It In 3 Guesses

INNSMOUTH, MA—Local man Jordan Smith was awarded an honorary doctorate degree from a local university after he posted his Wordle score to social media. Representatives from the college quickly contacted him and offered him the Ph.D. when they saw that he got the answer in just three guesses. “Look at this guy — he got […]

Wife Dresses In Bomb Suit To Open Pressurized Biscuit Canister

GREENVILLE, SC—According to sources, local wife Kaitlyn Vargas had to delay meal preparation at her home this evening in order to don a military-style bomb suit before opening a pressurized can of Pillsbury biscuits.  “Yeah, I’ve been opening these things for years. I take no chances when it comes to opening a can of biscuits,” she […]

Husband Promises He Will Someday Do Something With That Cool Piece Of Wood He’s Had In Garage For 10 Years

AUSTIN, TX—Local husband Alexander Woodman surprised his wife Barbara with a lunch date on Friday in which he pledged his continued love for her and also promised to someday do something with that cool piece of wood he’s had in the garage for the last ten years. “Barb,” he said after ordering two glasses of Veuve […]

‘World War 3 Is Really Stressing Me Out,’ Woman Tells Girlfriends Over Brunch

SEATTLE—Local woman Katie Chambers sat down to brunch with her friends at a popular vegan cafe in downtown Seattle where they gossiped about men, sex, and the land invasion of Ukraine by Russian forces. “World War 3 is really stressing me out,” said Katie, literally shaking. “I have Pilates at 3, but if we all die […]

Sudden Spike In Women Advocating For Traditional Gender Roles Now That WW3 Starting

U.S.—Women all over America have suddenly abandoned their feminist ideologies and are now advocating for traditional gender roles now that World War III has begun. They’ve quit jobs and, if single, have begun searching for a man to marry so they can have as many kids as possible as quickly as possible. “I don’t know […]

Wife Tragically Freezes To Death After Husband Doesn’t Bring Blanket Fast Enough

CHARLESTON, SC—A local woman was found dead yesterday after her husband failed to bring her a blanket fast enough. The couple had reportedly sat down to binge-watch Gilmore Girls for the fifth time when his wife asked him to retrieve a blanket from the hall closet. However, by the time he returned it was already too […]

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