Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

Tis The Season: Christmas Carolers Delight Locals By Going Door To Door Singing ‘Let’s Go Brandon’

Tis The Season: Christmas Carolers Delight Locals By Going Door To Door Singing ‘Let’s Go Brandon’ MEMPHIS, TN—How touching! According to sources, a local group of Christmas carolers is spreading holiday cheer throughout the area by going door to door singing “Let’s Go Brandon!” to friends and neighbors.  “It’s been a rough year for many […]

‘1984’ Prequel Released Where People Beg Big Brother To Take Away Their Rights To Protect Them From Virus

‘1984’ Prequel Released Where People Beg Big Brother To Take Away Their Rights To Protect Them From Virus U.S.—Harvill Secker Publishing Company has announced the release of a brand-new prequel to George Orwell’s classic, 1984. The new novel will describe the events leading up to 1984, where people beg Big Brother to take away their rights to […]

Dad Finds Button To End FaceTime Call In Record 27 Seconds

ERIE, PA—According to sources, local dad Dale Jeffers has managed to end a FaceTime call, successfully finding the right button in a record 27 seconds. “I love you kids, be safe, it’s so nice to talk to you,” said Jeffers to his daughter before adjusting the screen and looking at it through his reading glasses in search […]

She’s Back! Doritos Signs 12-Year Contract With Aunt Jemima

U.S.—After a brief hiatus amid racial tensions and increased anti-ethnic-mascot sentiment, the beloved Aunt Jemima is back, having signed a new 12-year contract with Frito-Lay.  “We are proud to announce that Aunt Jemima will be the smiling face of our products for the foreseeable future,” said Frito Lay CEO Bob Chippington. “At a time when mascots of […]

Nation Suffers Post-Thanksgiving Inflation Around Midsection

U.S.—Inflation has been a real problem this year, and it’s only getting worse. According to reports, millions all across the nation have been experiencing post-Thanksgiving dinner inflation, particularly around the midsection. Midsection inflation suddenly spiked after Thanksgiving, well outpacing its normal rate. “Hoo boy — talk about inflation!” said one dad in Ohio as he […]

Man Born With Incredible Superpower Of Picking Slowest Grocery Store Lane 100% Of The Time

Man Born With Incredible Superpower Of Picking Slowest Grocery Store Lane 100% Of The Time AMES, IA—Local man Justin Parkinson isn’t like ordinary people. He was born with a superpower. Parkinson, according to sources, has the ability to pick the absolute slowest grocery store lane every single time. “I was just born this way,” he […]

White House Says Everyone Can Save On Thanksgiving By Skipping It Since There Is Nothing To Be Thankful For

White House Says Everyone Can Save On Thanksgiving By Skipping It Since There Is Nothing To Be Thankful For WASHINGTON, D.C.—The White House has great news for Americans suffering from shortages and high inflation: They can save a lot of money this Thanksgiving. That’s because they can skip having a Thanksgiving dinner at all, since […]

Media Warns Thousands Of Americans Planning To Cross State Lines To Celebrate Thanksgiving

Media Warns Thousands Of Americans Planning To Cross State Lines To Celebrate Thanksgiving WASHINGTON, D.C.—News anchors are warning of a shocking new threat as tens of thousands of Americans are brazenly planning to cross state lines next week, with the ostensible purpose of eating turkey and perhaps even a slice of pie. “State lines! State lines! Aaa!!” screamed Nicole Wallace, […]

Smoke Detector Carefully Selects 4 AM On Weeknight To Malfunction

RAWLINS, WY—Seeing the family sleeping peacefully in their beds with a busy weekday ahead of them, a local smoke detector judiciously chose 4 am as the perfect time to malfunction. “REEEEE-REEEEE-REEEEE-REEEEE-REEEEE,” blared the smoke detector, jolting the panicked family awake in the perfectly smoke-free house. It looked down with pride from the ceiling as two […]

Mannu Bhandari Often Surprised Her Readers by Reaching Out for New Heights

Mannu Bhandari, the eminent and popular Hindi writer is no more. She passed away on Monday November 15 at Gurugram, near Delhi, at the age of 90. Apart from her countless readers, she will be missed by many teachers and students, particularly those at Miranda House, Delhi University where she taught Hindi literature for a […]

Man From California Won’t Shut Up About Being From California

ENCINITAS, CA—Local man Kelly Kirton is from California, and, according to friends and family, he won’t shut up about it. “Yeah, back in Cali, we’ve got great weather,” he told his friends in Ohio while visiting them last week. “Bro, you’ve got, like, snow coming from the sky. That’s, like, wild, dude! I don’t know if I mentioned […]

God Develops Ultra-Realistic Metaverse Where People Can Talk, Learn, And Work With Other People, Calling It ‘Universe’

God Develops Ultra-Realistic Metaverse Where People Can Talk, Learn, And Work With Other People, Calling It ‘Universe’ EARTH—In a bold announcement to all of His children, God unveiled the creation of an ultra-realistic metaverse where people can talk, learn, and work with other people, stating this unique new metaverse will be called “Universe.” “This is […]

FW de Klerk: A Negotiator Before Defeat

Rarely is the pragmatist admired.  Be it in policy or politics, such a figure induces suspicion, a concern that principles will have to be subordinated to broader goals.  True dreamers and visionaries, for all their glaring faults, can take the accolades; the pragmatists can be given lower pegging. These differences have proven stark with the […]

Stores Facing Surplus Of Hair Gel In Wake Of Newsom Disappearance

SACRAMENTO, CA—As California Governor Gavin Newsom approaches the end of his second week in hiding for some strange reason after getting his COVID booster shot, stores and salons in the area are reporting a crippling surplus of hair gel in stock.  “With Newsom out of the picture, our stores are overflowing with this stuff,” said […]

Com.P.Suryanarayana, a leader of democratic rights movement of AP

                          Born 1949 June 1 – Died on 2021 Sep 29 Com.P.Suryanarayana, President, Organisation for Protection of Democratic Rights-OPDR, Andhra Pradesh (AP). Nearly 25 leaders of Girijan, rural poor, teachers, and other organisations paid rich and revolutionary tributes to Com.PSN in an inspiring meeting to pay homage to him held on 10th October 2021 in […]

Oh No! You Went In For A Handshake And The Other Guy Went In For A Hug And Now Your Hand Is Sandwiched Between You Like A Limp Piece Of Ham

Oh No! You Went In For A Handshake And The Other Guy Went In For A Hug And Now Your Hand Is Sandwiched Between You Like A Limp Piece Of Ham Welp, this isn’t good. Sources close to you confirmed today that you went in for a handshake while greeting a borderline-friend-mostly-acquaintance, and the other […]

Absolute Psycho Chooses Sausage Over Bacon For His Breakfast Platter

SHREVEPORT, LA—According to sources, local diner and deranged psycho Sam Fullerton has chosen sausage over bacon to go with his breakfast platter. “Yeah, I don’t really like the sizzling, crispy goodness of bacon,” said the utterly sick lunatic—who is probably a liberal—as he sat down to eat his gross breakfast food. “I much prefer a slimy log of […]

Father Informs Daughter Of New Tax On Unrealized Halloween Candy Gains

FORT WAYNE, IN—According to sources, local dad Greg Farson taught his children a valuable lesson about taxation today after his kids woke up the day after Halloween to find all their Reeses cups and Snickers bars had been taken. “Listen Willow,” said Farson to his sobbing daughter. “I know I already took a bunch of […]

Toddler With Full Diaper And Incoherent Speech Goes As Joe Biden For Halloween

BROOKSIDE, OK—Well, isn’t this just the most adorable and 100% accurate Halloween costume we’ve ever seen: little Oliver Burnswax, just 18 months old, is dressed up as Joe Biden for Satan’s favorite holiday. With a dress shirt, overcoat, and tie, along with a cute little American flag pin, Burnswax is the spitting image and exact […]

Wildly Popular New Hair Salon For Introverts Guarantees No Small Talk From Your Stylist

Wildly Popular New Hair Salon For Introverts Guarantees No Small Talk From Your Stylist U.S.—A wildly popular new chain of hair salons and barbershops for introverts promises that your stylist or barber won’t say a single word to you once you’ve communicated what kind of haircut you want. QuietCuts, LLC was formed earlier this year […]

Man Carefully Times His Loading Of The Dishwasher So Wife Will See Him

MEMPHIS, TN—According to sources, local husband Max Cleveland recently loaded the dishwasher for his wife without even being asked. What a KING! To ensure his wife saw his good deed, he very carefully timed it so his wife would see him loading just as she came out of the bathroom.  “Just a little trick I learned […]

Target Introduces Progressive New ‘Clump Of Cells’ Registry

MINNEAPOLIS, MN—A spokesperson for Target Corporation announced that the retailer will be discontinuing their popular baby registry service and replacing it with a new “clump of cells” registry.  “Bringing a clump of cells through the birthing canal is an expensive and stressful process, and Target is here to help,” the press release reads. “Let us be […]

McDonald’s Introduces Limited Run Of Finely Aged 1992 Vintage McRibs

CHICAGO IL—It’s been a rough year, but Americans have completely forgotten their troubles with the glorious and completely unexpected return of the McRib. To mark the momentous occasion, McDonald’s is introducing a very limited run of their finest 28-year-aged barbeque pork sandwich, called the McRib Vintage.  “We are proud to offer this very rare culinary […]

Angel Soft Releases New ‘Devil Hard’ Toilet Paper For Atheists

U.S.—Amid cries from the atheist community for products that are more sensitive to their worldview, Angel Soft® brand toilet paper has announced a brand new line of products specifically for those who know God isn’t real—called “Devil Hard.”  “This is the roughest, most painful toilet paper money can buy,” said company CEO Bob Wipen. “It […]

50th Martyrdom Anniversary of Saroj Dutta

 Around a month on August 5th, ago we commemorated the 50th anniversary of the assassination of Saroj Dutta,which was landmark or black day in the history of the Indian Communist movement. Whatever his gross errors as a Marxist revolutionary, his spirit will shimmer for ever like a lotus in full bloom, in the annals of […]

Tribute To KVSN Prasad Rao On His Birth Centenary

Earlier this year on 10th February the civil liberties movement or democratic rights movement commemorated the birth centenary of Comrade KVSN Prasad Rao,,who at the time of his death was the president of the Organization for Protection for Democratic Rights(OPDR).He perished due to accidental injuries on 10th October ,1986.His contribution will shimmer forever in the […]

Dr. Vayala Vasudevan Pillai – A Man Who Inspired Young Hearts

It was in 2009 I got a chance to meet this veteran artist and visionary who spend his life to fulfilment till the end, Dr.Vayala Vasudevan Pillai. One evening Jean was asked to do a video shoot of Thayambaka of Mattannur Sankarankutty at the Vighneswara temple in Vazhuthacaud and since he wanted assistance, he asked […]

Change the Pace and Win the Race

If you’re constantly sprinting through life, a change in perspective may be just the thing A famous song of the Great Depression was “Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?” Today we might change that title to “Mother, Can You Spare Some Time?” If you’re in the peak years of your life, odds are you’re sprinting […]

Samar Sen Gave Indian Revolutionary Journalism A New Dimension

On 23rd August, we commemorated the 34th  death anniversary of Samar Sen, one of the most creative and dynamic persons in Indian history. His writings and poems had the subtle touch which geniuses possess traversing almost surreal regions. What was most pertinent is how he formulated the path he wished to take and how in […]

Gail Omvedt: A scholar dedicated to Phule Ambedkar ideology

Gail Omvedt is no more. She passed away today i.e. 25th August, 2021 in Kasegaon. On August 18th, I went to see her along with my dear friend Rahul Nirmal. Her condition was deteriorating and her partner Mr Bharat Patankar was doing everything to serve her at their ancestral house in Kasegaon, Maharasthra where Gail […]

Powered by WordPress | Designed by: Premium WordPress Themes | Thanks to Themes Gallery, Bromoney and Wordpress Themes