Written by Jennifer Cullen on CafeMom’s blog, The Stir.

If you’ve been stuck in a bad marriage for a while, getting divorced is a release. Yes, it’s still hard and sad and complicated, especially when there are children involved. But the truth is, once you’re out of the marriage, it feels like a weight has been lifted.

And with that lifting can come an invigorating rush of new-found sexuality.

Sure, for some divorced women, whose marriages dissolved unexpectedly or as a result of infidelity, the heartbreak and trauma they’ve experienced can translate in to a complete lack of sexual desire.

But others, like me, who were unhappy in their marriages and whose divorces gave them relief, can’t wait to break free.
Break free to have some hot, casual sex, that is.

My informal polling of other divorced women tells me that I’m not alone.

For the last few years of my marriage, my sexuality was completely repressed. It even trickled into my daily life, from the asexual way I dressed in long shorts and oversized shirts to the lack of goings-on in my bedroom. My marital issues numbed my attraction to my then-husband, and my unhappiness deflated my libido.

So after my divorce, I was ready to re-discover the sexual part of my personality, both alone and with a partner, because a vibrator only takes you so far. I didn’t go bar-hopping looking for a roll in the sack, but I did date casually. Meaning I had casual, protected sex with people I knew.

And having sex to fulfill my needs without looking for an emotional attachment? It was no different than what hordes of men do. Just judged differently. And it worked for me.

Until I met this one guy and started running into him around our small town. At the grocery store, his restaurant, and yes, a local bar. Over time, we became friends and stayed that way until a late-night ride home turned into more. And that wound up putting my casual sex days to an end. That guy became my second husband.

So while I actually did know him before I stumbled into bed with him, we didn’t go on a date until a month after we first had sex. A year-and-a-half later, we were married. And after being together for 10 years, I can happily say that this time, it’s worked out.

But I wouldn’t change those years in between my two marriages. I’m thankful that I had a handful of casual relationships before I settled down again. Having those experiences helped me become comfortable with my post-divorce self — and let me get my ya-yas out.

Do you have any tips on sex after divorce? How do you feel about casual safe sex?

More from The Stir:
10 Things to Replace After your Divorce
6 Things You Can Never Change About a Man
15 Things a Wife Never Wants to Hear Her Husband Say
The Unfair Secret Trick to Staying Married

Related on HuffPost:

Test your knowledge of some of Hollywood’s most surprising post-divorce relationships:

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  • QUESTION: Which singer-songwriter did Jessica Simpson fall for after her divorce from Nick Lachey?

    <strong>a) Jack Johnson
    b) Jason Mraz
    c) Damien Rice
    d) John Mayer </strong>

  • ANSWER: John Mayer

    After separating from <a href=”http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,1053559,00.html” target=”_hplink”>Nick Lachey in November 2005</a>, Jessica Simpson began a <a href=”http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,1449267,00.html” target=”_hplink”>9-month relationship</a> with musician John Mayer, which lasted from <a href=”http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,1449267,00.html” target=”_hplink”> August 2006 </a>to <a href=”http://www.boston.com/ae/celebrity/articles/2010/02/10/john_mayer_loved_jessica_drug/” target=”_hplink”>May 2007</a>. In March 2010, Mayer gave a little<em> too</em> much information about his relationship with the pop star, telling <em>Playboy </em>that Simpson was like <a href=”http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/02/10/john-mayer-jessica-simpso_n_456566.html” target=”_hplink”>”sexual napalm” in bed</a>. Simpson appeared on “The View” the following month and said that Mayer had <a href=”http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1633921/jessica-simpson-on-john-mayer-hell-never-have-this-napalm-again.jhtml” target=”_hplink”>apologized for the overshare</a>, but added, “at this point it doesn’t really matter. I mean, I only thought he was stupid for breaking up with me.”

  • QUESTION: After his divorce from Sandra Bullock, Jesse James became engaged to which reality star?

    <strong>a) Tila Tequila
    b) Kat Von D
    c) Audrina Patridge
    d) Megan Massacre</strong>

  • ANSWER: Kat Von D

    After Jesse James’ <a href=”http://www.people.com/people/package/article/0,,20364464_20397673,00.html” target=”_hplink”>divorce from Sandra Bullock</a> was finalized in June 2010, the “Outlaw Garage” star proposed to Kat Von D, the star of “LA Ink,” <a href=”http://articles.nydailynews.com/2011-06-17/gossip/29691858_1_split-rumor-jesse-james-anniversary” target=”_hplink”>in January 2011</a>. The pair <a href=”http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/25/jesse-james-kat-von-d-split-again_n_979812.html” target=”_hplink”>called off their seven-month engagement</a> in July 2011, then <a href=”http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20521260,00.html” target=”_hplink”>reportedly reconciled</a> a month later. But by September 2011, their on-and-off relationship was over. A month later,Von D <a href=”http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=10150394420646162″ target=”_hplink”>posted a note</a> on her Facebook calling their relationship “toxic” and alleging that James had cheated on her with 19 women in the course of a year.

  • QUESTION: After 20 years of marriage to Vivien Leigh, screen legend Laurence Oliver began a relationship with which actress?

    <strong>a) Olivia de Havilland
    b) Joan Plowright
    c) Joan Crawford
    d) Angela Lansbury </strong>

  • ANSWER: Joan Plowright

    In May 1960, “Gone with the Wind” star Vivien Leigh <a href=”http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=2506&dat=19600523&id=53hJAAAAIBAJ&sjid=VAsNAAAAIBAJ&pg=723,4304223″ target=”_hplink”>confirmed her split</a> (via her agent) from Sir Laurence Oliver, her husband of 20 — <a href=”http://www.vivandlarry.com/the-oliviers/about-the-oliviers/” target=”_hplink”>often tumultuous</a> — years. “Lady Olivier wishes to say that Sir Laurence has asked for a divorce in order to marry Miss Joan Plowright. She will naturally do whatever he wishes,” the statement said.

    For his part, <a href=”http://news.google.com/newspapers?id=dyI_AAAAIBAJ&sjid=yE8MAAAAIBAJ&pg=3373,5709083&dq=laurence-olivier+marries+joan-plowright&hl=en” target=”_hplink”>Olivier confirmed that he had left Leigh</a> with the intentions of marrying the younger Joan Plowright, though he declined to comment further. “I do not think it would be a good idea to comment on the situation and I know that Joan doesn’t want to say anything at all just now… You cannot expect her to,” <a href=”http://news.google.com/newspapers?id=dyI_AAAAIBAJ&sjid=yE8MAAAAIBAJ&pg=3373,5709083&dq=laurence-olivier+marries+joan-plowright&hl=en” target=”_hplink”>he reportedly said</a>. “Anything that is said is liable to become twisted and involved.”

  • QUESTION: Which actress did Marilyn Manson become engaged to after divorcing Dita Von Teese?

    <strong>a) Rose McGowan
    b) Zooey Deschanel
    c) Anna Paquin
    d) Evan Rachel Wood </strong>

  • ANSWER: Evan Rachel Wood

    In August 2007, <a href=”http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20045566,00.html” target=”_hplink”>Evan Rachel Wood told <em>Elle </em> UK that she was merely “movie buddies”</a> with rocker Marilyn Manson — then separated from wife Dita Von Teese — until one night in December 2006 they “just suddenly looked into one another’s eyes and knew.” Still, sources told <em>People </em>magazine at the time that Manson’s relationship with the Wood played a part in Von Teese’s <a href=”http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20007918,00.html” target=”_hplink”>decision to file for divorce</a> in December 2006.

    Manson and Wood <a href=”http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20335115,00.html” target=”_hplink”>became engaged</a> in January 2010, but <a href=”http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20413552,00.html” target=”_hplink”>by August 2010</a> the pair had reportedly gone their separate ways.

  • QUESTION: Who did Jennifer Lopez rebound with after her second marriage, to dancer Cris Judd, failed?

    <strong>a) Matthew McConaughey
    b) P. Diddy
    c) Matt Damon
    d) Ben Affleck </strong>

  • ANSWER: Ben Affleck

    Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck — aka Bennifer — met on the set of “Gigli” in spring 2002 and allegedly started dating as Lopez’s marriage to choreographer <a href=”http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1484539/j-lo-ben-call-off-engagement.jhtml” target=”_hplink”>Cris Judd was deteriorating</a>. In July 2002, <a href=”http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2004-01-23-bennifer-timelilne_x.htm” target=”_hplink”>Jennifer Lopez filed for divorce </a>after 10 months of marriage to Judd. Lopez later confirmed her engagement</a> to Affleck in a<a href=”http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2004-01-23-bennifer-timelilne_x.htm” target=”_hplink”> November 2002 interview with Diane Sawyer</a>, flashing a $1.2 million, 6.1-carat pink diamond engagement ring.

    The pair <a href=”http://www.people.com/people/gallery/0,,20503404_20977951,00.html” target=”_hplink”>called off their wedding</a> in September 2003 and by January 2004 the media frenzy that was Bennifer was completely over, with Lopez’s camp <a href=”http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,627566,00.html” target=”_hplink”>issuing a statement announcing the end</a> of the couple’s 18-month relationship.

    In her <a href=”http://www.ok.co.uk/posts/view/23742/Jennifer-Lopez-opens-up-about-her-Bennifer-days-and-admits” target=”_hplink”>2010 VH1 “Behind the Music” episode</a>, Lopez said of the relationship: “I don’t think I had ever been heartbroken in that way before — had so many hopes and dreams on something.”

  • QUESTION: After his marriage to Ava Gardner ended, Frank Sinatra was briefly engaged to another screen siren. Who was it?

    <strong>a) Veronica Lake
    b) Lauren Bacall
    c) Rita Hayworth
    d) Marilyn Monroe </strong>

  • ANSWER: Lauren Bacall

    After <a href=”http://www.people.com/people/archive/article/0,,20102763,00.html)” target=”_hplink”>finalizing his divorce</a> from wife #2, Ava Gardner, in 1957, Frank Sinatra was briefly <a href=”http://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/features/2011/03/lauren-bacall-201103?currentPage=5″ target=”_hplink”>engaged to Lauren Bacall in 1958</a>. (Bacall was recently widowed; husband Humphrey Bogart <a href=”http://focusfeatures.com/flashback?bylinedate=2012-01-14″ target=”_hplink”>died the year before</a>.) Days after news of the would-be Sinatra-Bacall union hit the headlines, the engagement was over. Later, <a href=”http://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/features/2011/03/lauren-bacall-201103″ target=”_hplink”>Bacall would recall the shock of seeing the front-page stories</a>: “I gasped — oh my God, what a disaster — how the hell did that happen?”<em> Vanity Fair </em>reported March 2011.

  • QUESTION: After her marriage to Ryan Reynolds ended, Scarlett Johansson dated which actor?

    <strong>a) George Clooney
    b) Sean Penn
    c) Robert Downey, Jr.
    d) Gary Oldman </strong>

  • ANSWER: Sean Penn

    After splitting with Ryan Reynolds, her husband of two years, in <a href=”http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/12/14/scarlett-johansson-ryan-r_n_796659.html” target=”_hplink”>December 2010</a>, Scarlett Johanson reportedly <a href=”http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20470316,00.html” target=”_hplink”>”raised eyebrows” </a>when she was spotted leaving the Sunset Tower Hotel with actor Sean Penn in February 2011. After a series of spottings together, the May-December pair took <a href=”http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20486290,00.html” target=”_hplink”>their romance public </a>at a White House Correspondents’ Dinner in April 2011.

    By June 2011, the couple had <a href=”http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/06/03/scarlett-johansson-and-se_n_870995.html” target=”_hplink”>reportedly broken up</a>. In the <a href=”http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/12/scarlett-johansson-vogue-divorce_n_1421146.html?ir=Divorce&ref=topbar” target=”_hplink”>May 2012 issue of <em>Vogue</em></a>, Johnasson said she “never put a title” on her relationship with Penn and that she was surprised by the media attention the pair received. “In my marriage, funnily enough, we had relative privacy,” she said, adding that she and Penn remain friends.

  • QUESTION: Emmy Rossum dated which ’90s alt rocker after separating from her husband?

    <strong>a) Stephen Jenkins
    b) Jakob Dylan
    c) Adam Duritz
    d) Dave Grohl </strong>

  • ANSWER: Adam Duritz

    After her husband of a year-and-a-half, music executive Justin Siegel, <a href=”http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20308812,00.html” target=”_hplink”>filed for divorce in September 2009</a>, actress Emmy Rossum dated Counting Crows frontman Adam Duritz. <a href=”http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/11/emmy-rossum-explains-appe_n_316778.html” target=”_hplink”>Rossum explained Duritz’s appeal</a> to <em>People </em>magazine in October 2009: “I get why chicks dig him… He’s extremely kind, incredibly intelligent, thoughtful, creative and respectful.”

    The pair reportedly <a href=”http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/11/23/emmy-rossum-adam-duritz-s_n_787773.html” target=”_hplink”>broke up in fall 2010</a>.