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March 30th, 2021 
Awake Goy 
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There’s a lot of fake news out there about Libertarians. Honestly, we’re not sure why everyone hates those guys. Libertarianism is the only logically consistent political philosophy, and it’s held primarily by crazy people.
But The Bee is here to set the record straight once and for all about our weird, drug and Bitcoin-obsessed friends with this handy explainer.
Founding: Libertarianism was officially founded in 1773 when the British colonists were like “A tax on tea? Blimey, mate, that’s bloody mental!” After dumping tea in the harbor, they launched fireworks, ate barbecue, and debated Ayn Rand.
Beliefs: It’s mostly about wanting to smoke weed and run around naked while shooting guns in the air, we think. There’s something in there about freedom, liberty, and the God-given right to defend yourself and your property, too, but honestly, it’s mostly about the weed. And buying Bitcoin. While smoking weed.
Common symbols and mascots: The porcupine, the Gadsden flag, dank memes, Dogecoin.
Prominent proponents: Ron Paul, that weird guy who’s always smoking weed in your drama class, Satan.
Prominent critics: Republicans, Democrats, anyone who loves war and hates freedom. Also, people who think weed is stinky.
Key texts: Atlas Shrugged (we think, no one’s actually ever read it), The Law, The Freakin’ CONSTITUTION, the book of Judges.
How do you spot a Libertarian? You can usually smell their dank kush before you can see them. But if your sense of smell is still all wack from COVID, look for guys carting around books from the 1700s and shouting, “AM I BEING DETAINED?!” at everyone from police officers to Arby’s cashiers.
What is the Libertarian Party? A joke.
What are the future prospects of Libertarianism? Not good. Honestly, people who believe in liberty might all be rounded up and arrested by the time we finish typing this sent
NOT SATIRE: The Sphinxing Rabbit: Her Sovereign Majesty is the first book in what will be a series of books about the freedom and sovereignty of the individual. It can be understood and appreciated by children, adults, and everyone in between! It’s available on Amazon in print or ebook versions.
A beautifully illustrated and delightful read for any time, but especially for Easter coming up!
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