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August 14th, 2021 
Awake Goy 
STURGIS, SD—Bikers are tough and cool, but you can’t say they aren’t also purdy dang smart: motorcyclists at the annual rally in Sturgis, South Dakota put up a “Happy Birthday Obama” sign this week to make sure COVID can’t spread.
4D chess, dudes!
“That oughtta do it,” said Billy Butch, a biker from the Sacramento area, as he nailed a small wooden sign in the ground. “Puttin’ this sign in should stop any kind of COVID spread, masks or no masks, vaccines or no vaccines.”
“You’re purdy smart, Billy!” said one of his ridin’ buddies, Stabbin’ Steve. “I was purdy dang worried about the ol’ ‘rona, but then Billy comes along here and saves the day. Bring it in, Billy!” The two hugged, but again, no COVID particles spread despite their close proximity, thanks to the sign.
It may seem odd, but scientists say putting up an Obama sign, say above your doorpost or in your living room, is a great way to fight COVID.
“It’s really fascinating,” said Dr. Abram Willy. “It seems as soon as COVID particles see that you’re at an elite liberal event, they just stop spreading. We also recommend ‘Black Lives Matter’ banners or dressing your whole family up as Antifa members.”
Sadly, COVID still spread at the rally, as they forgot to hold the event at a seaside mansion endangered by climate change.
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