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August 17th, 2022 
Awake Goy 
The $213 billion skincare industry might just be at its peak, filling the cabinets of moisturized Muggles everywhere with all manners of serums, toners, creams, and gadgets. But I’d like to make the case that we’re focusing way too much of our skincare energy on our faces. We should be spending more time thinking about our behinds. Yes, our ass skin deserves pampering, too.
Is there anything better than a smooth, soft, juicy butt? Nay, friends. (The only contenders might be the Satisfyer Pro 2 or a really good homemade lasagna.) We spend all that time doing squats, buying très chic thongs, and yet here we are slathering our prized peaches in… generic dollar-store lotion? While our faces get the La Mer treatment???
There is a solution to this quandary, and it’s gaining traction. In fact, I was late to the game, but it seems all of the hot girls have been on top of butt-skincare for a hot minute. A few months ago, I was perusing the fruitful shelves of Sephora when I came upon Sol de Janeiro’s aptly named Brazilian Bum Bum Cream.
First of all: that name—genius, TBH. It has sort of a singsongy, rhythmic pulse to it, like stumbling upon a drum circle bongo-ing away to the gods of ass. But on to the powers of the actual product. In addition to its charming name, which conjures up imagery of a row of tanned and toned tuchuses on the sandy beaches of Copacabana, I discovered upon opening the sample tub that it also smelled magnificent, the sort of warm, brown sugary, coconutty fragrance that would have kept high-school me visiting a Bath and Body Works for a hit of body spray time and time again.
Sure, there was some copy about its magical firming properties (courtesy of guaraná, which contains two to four times the caffeine of coffee beans; more on that in a minute) and its hydrating blend of plant-based oils and butters, but when something smells really good, that’s what ends up taking precedence. And the more I thought about it, the more I did want firmer butt skin and for my glutes to smell like a piña colada, so in the cart it went.
Only after I bought it did I discover that it actually has a ginormous cult following; not only is it one of Sephora’s best-selling skincare products, but this product is positively inundated with five-star reviews—more than 22,000 of them on Sol de Janiero’s site, and a 4.6-out-of-5 star rating from more than 34,000 reviews on Amazon, actually. Makes sense; we are an ass-obsessed society, after all. But this product’s popularity and appeal can’t be explained away simply by our collective love of the peach emoji.
Y’all, we should all be using butt cream—perhaps more specifically, this butt cream, ass moisturizer, bum bum balm, or whatever else you’d like to call it. The moment I dipped my fingers into its custard-like consistency, I got not only a shiver of ASMR pleasure, but also an immediate impulse to eat it (don’t eat it) or at least slather it on my Pilates-toned haunches. After taking it for a test run as a post-shower body moisturizer (it’s great not just for your arse, but also for elbows, shoulders, and décollatege), I found that it really does have a surprisingly noticeable firming effect courtesy of that guaraná.
If you are wondering where you’ve heard of guaraná before, it may be from the labels of energy drinks, since that’s often where it shows up stateside—although it has a long history of use as a stimulant in South America. Caffeine is actually highly effective in skincare; it works as a vasoconstrictor, temporarily tightening blood vessels, which then plumps up your peach. It also contains high levels of antioxidants, and it improves microcirculation, reducing the appearance of cellulite. On top of all that, there’s other stuff in the cream—like fast-hydrating cupuaçu butter and selenium-rich Brazil nut oil—that lend their properties to super-soft and firm skin. So there is scientific support for the Bum Bum Cream’s tasty ingredients list offering meaningful results when it comes to helping you achieve a taut, smooth booty.
But most importantly, if you find yourself unclothed with a boo, a suitor, or just yourself, it feels damn good to have a juicy, luscious-smelling bum. According to Sol de Janiero, the scent is a combo of salted caramel, vanilla, and pistachio. All I know is that I, and my BF at the time I started using this stuff, went gaga over it. It’s not cheap—the big ol’ tub will run you 48 bucks—but you can give a small, 2.5-ounce size a try for just $22. I will say, however, that a fabulous ass is worth any price.
I didn’t know I needed fancy butt cream, but now, I don’t want to live without it. It is very tempting to grab a spoon, but keep it on your caboose.
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.
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