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August 30th, 2022 
Awake Goy 
JERUSALEM — A popular YouTuber died suddenly on Monday while filming an unboxing video of the famed Ark of the Covenant. The sacred Jewish artifact, which had recently been discovered by archeologists in a cave outside Jerusalem, had been turned over to the Israel Antiquities Authority who recruited a Gen Z influencer to document the find.
“Okay fam, let’s get this baby open!” said YouTuber AshdodCat49 before her face was vaporized during the live stream. The famous last words by the influencer have since been turned into a meme by Jews around the world.
The unboxing video is three minutes long. It includes some commentary by AshdodCat49 who said the ark which bears the testimony of the law of Moses looked “totes lame” and was probably a fake.
Experts have analyzed the video, noting that AshdodCat49 actually dies as soon as her hand touches the ark, but then the momentum from her body pushes the lid off and the screen turns to static. The video lasts 3 hours and 49 minutes and features the sound of wailing and gnashing of teeth as it sounds like the soul of the woman is ripped out of her body and thrust into eternal torment shortly after her brains appear to explode out of her eye sockets.
“This really affirms my faith,” said one YouTube comment. “But yikes.”
The California Dream ain’t what it used to be. Enjoy our song lamenting the fall of the Golden State:
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