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August 11th, 2021 
Awake Goy 
Nation Agrees To Get Vaccinated In Exchange For TikTok Influencers Being Launched Into The Sun
WASHINGTON, D.C.—The White House has hired TikTok influencer Benny Drama to help promote COVID vaccinations, and this move has already delivered stunning results. After Benny released a video of himself with long nails and a skirt prancing around with Jen Psaki, tens of millions of unvaccinated people have signed up to get vaccinated. There is a catch, though: They first want Benny and other TikTok influencers like him launched into the sun.
“Okay, you win,” said Douglas Mcguire, who has always been skeptical of the COVID vaccine. “You can inject me with your vaccine. Or multiple vaccines. Or bleach. I don’t care. Just take that guy from that video and anyone else like him and launch them into space in a way I’ll be sure they’re never coming back.”
At the prospect of getting millions more Americans vaccinated, government agencies have snapped into action. “I guess that’s feasible if that’s what it will take to help end the pandemic,” said NASA spokesman Erick Gregory. “We’ll just tell them, ‘Hey, we need some TikTok videos of you at SpaceX,’ and then get them into a rocket and launch it.”
Benny responded by releasing a statement, but it was just a bunch of emojis or something. President Biden also spoke about the program’s success, yelling, “What’s TikTok?” to reporters before getting lost on the way back to the front door of the White House.
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